Loving It." Judging from McDonald's commercials, the "it"
that people love so much is non-Super Sized french fries and hamburgers
set to a Justin Timberlake-sung jingle. But judging from this McDonald's
Website, the "it" that people truly love is ... being Asian.
Or as the site says, "Whether we're sipping green tea or enjoying
a Big Mac® sandwich, we're helping make the magic mix called America
become even richer. And McDonald's is right there with us, everyday!"
Multinational corporations blatantly courting cultures: I'm loving it.
it with me now: "Poontangler." She's a 5'4", 268 pound
wrestler who likes to drown her opponents in "Poon Juice." And
she's just one of the incredibly strange wrestlers that are a part of
Incredibly Strange Wrestling. There's "Macho Sasquatcho" who's
motto is "RREEAAARRGH!" and "El Homo Loco," whose
finishing move is "the sleazy rider." With over 45 different
wrestlers to choose from, picking your favorite could take all afternoon
and keep you from working. What a shame.
doesn't come naturally for some people. It can be hard to decide between
Comet and Windex. It's a lot of work to vacuum up the crud and dust areas
you haven't touched since the last time you dusted. Emptying the garbage
and cleaning all the dishes is a pain in the ass. But there's a fine line
between being confused when it comes to cleaning and being fucking oblivious.
The person living in this sty must not be able to smell, see or move,
because this place is busted. For real.
Mona Lisa has stood the test of time because of a single expression,
a mystery that man has pondered ever since. Well, if we were handing out
nominations for the modern Mona Lisa, we'd pick this picture. Sure, on
the surface, this is just a youth soccer team portrait. But look closer.
See how pissed off that little white girl is? And look at what they're
all wearing. Did Method Man and the RZA coach these kids on the weekends
or something? Like a fine piece of art, it's not enough to merely glance
at this -- you need to make time to explore the mystery.
first, Jennie didn't know what to think when Jimmy kept telling her
how cool it would be to blow up the church and get married. Did Jimmy
want to live out some kind of "Natural Born Killers" fantasy?
Had Jimmy developed an infatuation with black metal bands from Sweden?
Jennie didn't know what to think. Jimmy was very serious about blowing
up this church. Then Jennie visited this little Website and she understood
why Jimmy was so excited about the wedding. Jennie wanted to blow up the
Berlitz phrase book is woefully inept at those kind of things you
tend to think when in a foreign country, but never quite grasp how to
say. That's where this Website comes in. Now you can say, "You wouldn't
have these ghettos if you people were willing to work" or, "Girls
with big mazongas usually can't rhumba so well," or, "No, I've
always enjoyed simple-minded ethnic humor." Ah, thank heavens for
freedom of speech.
Barton should take some acting lessons from Emotion Eric, because
this guy has got some serious range. Not only can he do happy, sad and
mad -- three more feelings than Barton has evoked in a whole season of
The OC -- but he accurately conveys all kinds of more complicated feelings
as well. Like, "Intense PlayStation Face" and "Sarcastic
Respect for Authority Figures" and "Working on a Tech Support
Line, Answering Your 500th Call of Someone Who Claims He Can't Send Email."
With Prom approaching -- and with The Black Table
already devoting an entire story to the topic -- we're in a semi-formal
kind of mood. And that can only mean one thing: Disastrous Prom photos
and copious amounts of schadenfreude. Point and laugh, kids. Point and
laugh. We bring you:
bad prom photo contest at the St. Petersburg Times.
from "The Geek Prom."
good laugh at someone else's expense.
good food goes bad, many times the end result is entertaining -- and
that's where The Museum of Food Anomolies comes in. Spend your entire
workday here, looking at Siamese grapes, or Honey Comb cereal pieces that
look like Edward Munsch's "The Scream." And where you're done
with that, check out some of the other exhibits, like the Circus of Disemboweled
Plush Toys or Secrets of the Magic 8 Ball Revealed. Just doing our part
to make you less productive, so the Fed won't raise rates in July...
can't judge a book by its cover -- but you sure as hell can judge
a Website by its URL address. Take this fine site, for example. In one
fell swoop, this entire site's reason for being can be summed up in the
name, echoing the sad truth about the upcoming election and the current
state of politics in this country. And what is this site, you wonder?
"John Kerry is a Douchebag, but I'm Voting for Him Anyway."
day, this guy started digging a hole in backyard and kept on digging.
It got so deep, he could stand in it and walk around. Then he poured a
concrete floor, built a roof and added a window. The hole was a nice place
to take a nap and once the Internet connection was added, it wasn't a
bad place to chill out. Well, every once in a while the snakes and rats
would sneak in, but snakes are pretty good eats. Then the water came and
the fun ended. I love the Internet.
LifeGem, for as little as $2,499 you can get a "high quality
diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their
unique and wonderful life." So, instead of putting grandma in an
urn or in the ground, you can put her in a five prong setting on an immaculate
platinum band. Good to know. With this knowledge, we can finally explain
what source fueled J.Lo's super deluxe pink engagement ring: Her extremely
+ Japan = Weirdness. Add it up however you want, but the end product
is going to be the same. The same culture that brought us Hello Kitty,
bento boxes, karaoke and those videogame vending machines that dispense
little customized photo stickers is bringing us a new revolution: Hot
dog sculpture. Luckily, we gaijin can learn from the masters with these
detailed instructions, written entirely in Japanese. Just pretend you're
Europe, they have all these little cute cars that are super fuel-efficient,
designed to run on gas that's $7 a gallon, park on streets that are 800
years old and be lifted by teams of wandering men in Mentos commercials.
This is very evident. But what most people *don't* know is that European
cars are evil. Take this commercial for the SportKa, where the little
bastard clips the head off a kitten with its sunroof. (No shit.) Bad Euro
Aileen Gallagher's birthday. And there's nothing more this Black Table
managing editor likes more than going to the park with a big ass bag of
peanuts and string to fish for some squirrels. While we're not so sure
what this whole squirrel fishing this is about, we sure hope she has a
really happy birthday today torturing fluffy animals with delicious treats
that they may or may not be intelligent enough to grab.
was a different kind of kid. While other kids collected G.I. Joes
and enacted drawn-out battle scenes with them, Ricky collected shrunken
heads and lovingly caressed them each night before bed. Sure, Ricky's
parents were a bit alarmed, but Ricky's dad was an autopsy doctor and
his mother's family owned a funeral home -- Ricky was gonna be fucked
up in some way. But Ricky was Ricky. And Ricky was happy. So, after seeing
this site, Ricky's parents decided to go all out for Ricky's 8th birthday
"official." Hussey is a popular British pop act! It seems
like a rather bold claim, since the Website looks like it was made by
a second-grade computer class. Hrm. Okay, well maybe they're popular --after
all, they appear to have Elijah Wood in the group singing the tunes the
kids like with four slutty looking lasses from the U.K. And if that's
not popular, what is? You couldn't pay us enough money to actually give
a toss about the "music" but at least the Website is good for
the intro says it all: "The website you are about to enter contains
pictures and literature of an erotic fantasy nature involving Siamese
twins." Because, you know, once you're bored with pregnant
porn and watching videos of women jerking off all those farm animals,
there's really nothing left that can really get your juices flowing except
multi-headed women who have two, three, or maybe, four arms to hold you.
Love. When it's right, it's the best and when it's wrong, you have
to take that size 12 wedding dress and hawk it on eBay to get cash for
Seattle Mariners tickets and beer. But since you've sworn off women, having
been wronged in the love department, it's up to you to model the dress,
even if the beaded boddice clashes with your massive tattooed arms. If
you can't get even with your ex-wife, you might as well try to get even
with your bank balance.
movie Tron was so rad. All those cool light bikes. The graphics, cribbed
straight from Fritz Lang's Metropolis. That interesting, albeit dated,
plot about rogue programs trying to free themselves from the fascist mainframe.
And while we could go on all day long about the wonders of Tron, every
once in a while, you need to take a big step away from the TV set and
do something with your hands. Like build a complete Tron outfit from a
rather gastly unitard and some fabric paint!
bonus link! The Tron-themed link above is simply so amazing, we're including
this link to a Slashbot message board, discussing the above link. Yes,
it's pretty meta of us.
first time we attempted to skateboard, we rolled up the street, hit
a microscopic pebble, flew 70 feet in the air and landed on our face,
where the concrete gave us an extremely deep level of exfoliation. The
second and third attempts were even worse, leaving us a bloody mess with
only one option: Holding the skateboard under our arm and limping around
the mall food court in an attempt to look cool. (It worked!) We're never
skating again, especially after we saw how much better this bulldog is
than we were.
tongs. You know, like tongs that deal with doodie and ca ca. Apparently,
*somebody* took their Bar Mitzvah money and started a massive collection
of these so called fecal tongs. There are old tongs. New tongs. Painful
looking tongs. Tongs from the future. And lots of pictures of tongs. Tongs.
Tongs. Tongs. It's a total tongfest over here and you're invited.
big is the subway? Well, New York City's is rather large, but not
nearly as far reaching as the Los Angeles subway system, which appears
to be one of the most sprawling, ineffective modes of underground transportation
on Earth, at least on paper. No wonder everyone drives out there. Then
again, it's not nearly as cute as the Brussels subway, which appears to
go to five places and seems half as long as the L Train. If you're interested
in maps of the world's subways in the same scale, this link is for you.
been a long week. A week filled with evil forces and voices that whisper
nasty commands that we are compelled to follow, no matter how much we
object. No, we're not working for the Bush Administration -- we're possessed
by the Devil. Perhaps that's why this version of the Exorcist, starring
cute, animated bunnies, has us in search of a good, strong priest who
won't get sick the next time we puke, our head spins around and update
The Black Table.
Burger King, you really *can* have it your way, which may be the reasoning
behind this bizarre Website, where you can tell a man in a chicken outfit
to sit on the couch, or watch some television, or turn out the lights
... and he does it. Sure, it's really slow, but the creepy snuff film
visuals and the overall weirdness makes us wonder if the folks at BK may
be taking this "have it your way" thing a bit too far. Then
again, who are we to judge? Maybe Subserviant Chicken dot com is a breakthrough
Fluffles, the gerbil, loves living inside our new computer. The CPU
has been muffled, unlike the last machine, so he's not living in constant
fear of losing his hearing. Sure, he gets a little pissed when we kick
the machine after we get fragged in Quake, but hey, we're bonding late
into the night, man and gerbil, united in computing. Okay, so there's
only one minor issue. While the heat from the processor keeps him warm,
it also keeps his poo warm, too, and we haven't figured out how to clean
this thing yet.
is so fucked up, we can't even comprehend it. We've heard of piercing
your delicate bits and seen shows about people who want horns implanted
in their heads. But an eye piercing? Aren't we, as humans, fundamentally
programmed to resist getting things in our eyes at all costs? Apparently,
the need to be "different" and "special" can counterbalance
that. In the Netherlands, they have the "Jewel Eye," which only
proves that maybe we've taken "self expression" a wee bit too
Zapruder film has been examined rather thoroughly. The U.S. government
has done its investigations, Oliver Stone has done his frame-by-frame
revisionist history and just about every crackpot political theorist in
North America has spent some time with a magnifying glass and paranoid
fantasies. But given that the Zapruder film is four decades old, it's
nice to see people are over-analyzing new movies. Like the "Large
Marge" section of Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
+ Fetish = Gold. When they're not being eaten, it appears that Gingerbread
Men are complete freaks, ready for some S&M loving. As this site proves,
those innocent little cookies we've been eating for years are bored of
their sugar coated lifestyle and long for blindfolds, nipples made from
candy and some hard core domination. Enter the world of carnal cookies.
you find yourself stuck in Russian prisons a lot? Do you worry that
the guy with the kitty tattooed on his foot is going to kill you? Don't
worry, he'll probably just steal from you. But the one with the barbed
wire on his forehead -- he's in prison for life, with no chance of parole.
In the spirit of Lil Orphan Annie, this web-based decoder ring will explain
it all. You can thank us when you get out of the gulag.
knew? This years largely truth-free State of the Union Address
contained not only fraudulent jabber about yellowcake uranium from Nigeria,
but the lyrics to an unabashed homage to vigorous gay sex. Some deft digital
sound editing laid on top of throbbing, anonymous dance beats gets right
down to the secret and oh-so-dirty heart of Ws alternative speechifying.
Dick is a killer indeed.
that ass, bitch. What this Southern bass classic lacks in couth, it
makes up for in directness. And as this tremendous video proves, it makes
you want to dance until to start seeing Black Charlie Brown chillin' in
a B-boy stance. Good times. Or to quote the song: "So get in my face
and make that ass clap, G-strings from the back, just shake that ass for
the splack pack." Word. And let me see what you got.
happens when a regular adult poses as a 10-year-old and writes letters
to Senators, asking them for their favorite joke? Well, after his letters
are screened and re-screened for anthrax, chemical agents, explosives
and pornography, Senators actually write back with jokes. John Kerry is
about as funny as a block of wood, but at least John McCain is able to
make fun of himself.
Lazy Bloggers! The Black Table finally has an RSS feed. Click the icon
up there to do whatever you people do with that kind of thing.
was a sunny day on Main Street in Fisher Price Land, when all of a
sudden the gates of hell opened up, wild animals took to the streets and
all those happy, plastic people got totally fucked up. For just $10 on
eBay, you can own the carnage and reenact your own outrageous scenarios,
murdering those annoyingly perky Fisher Price people in all new and unusual
ways. Or, as happens all the time in Third World nations, you can simply
leave the bodies in the street as they fell.
are overrated. Sure, we have opposable thumbs, and yes, we sure are
good at creating mindless forms of entertainment to distract us from the
mind-numbing, ongoing existential crisis called "employment after
college." But sadly, humans are also really good at using petrochemicals
and poisoning just about every single thing we come across in nature.
And that's where the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement comes in.
the blue squares! We've been playing this dopey game all day long
and simply cannot get enough. Right now, our record is 35.042 seconds,
but we're working on taking our game to the "next level," which
will probably involve a sausage and egg sandwich, a large cup of Dunkin'
Donuts coffee, a fistful of Advil, a lot of water and a vow to never,
ever, ever drink like that again.
turned 30 on Mar. 18. Here are 10 things he should know about passing
the big three-decade mark.
were under the impression that the Lord loves all of his creations,
but these people beg to differ, adding shrimp to the top of a list that
includes homosexuals and heathens. As they helpfully point out from Leviticus:
"Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be
an abomination unto you." That Long John Silver guy better change
his menu before someone gets even more Passionate about this "don't
eat shrimp" thing.
ain't playing this video and we really don't have time to sit around
and wait for this to come on that Fuse channel. These gentlemen are called
The Killers -- originally from Las Vegas, but now the best U.K. import
since Cadbury's chocolate -- and they're making the kind of music that
makes you want to herk and jerk in place, like you're doing "The
Carlton" from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Just try to get this song
out of your head. Check out the video here.
eBay. Before the online auctioneer took over the craptacular universe
of homemade products, there was no place to sell commemorative dolls for
the Super Boob Wardrobe Malfunction Spectacular. It's all here: Janet's
silver nipple tschotchke and Justin's glazed over stare. If you think
your kids liked seeing this the first time, imagine all the fun they'll
have reenacting it over and over and over. Click now and buy, because
this one's gonna go fast.
people munch Valium and sit in a sauna to combat stress. Other people
drink Johnny Walker Black under their desk while in the fetal position.
While we've experimented with both methods, we've finally found a soothing
remedy that won't leave us feeling ashamed the next day: Bubble wrap.
Online bubble wrap! Now we can pop, pop pop away the pain without having
a mess to clean up afterwards.
Poop Machine's a bit gross, we'll admit that. But it's also a fun
and exciting way to explore the wonderful world of digestion. After all,
how many times have you taken a mystery pill only to give birth to an
egg containing a small baby with a unibrow? Three, four times a week?
From hamburgers and hot dogs to malted milk balls and bubble gum, the
Poop Machine reveals what happens when food stops being polite and starts
we were into dating vegetarian French men, Axel would be our guy.
He's a spritual, 36-year-old long-haired dude that looks like the lead
singer of Quiet Riot. And we dig that. And not only does Axel *not* eat
meat, he claims: "i am vegan raw food." That's pretty bold.
In addition to liking "sport hiking, smiming and biking" --
Axel's really into "canping" as well. Please, if you're in the
market for French vegetarians, take home Axel today!
Europeans just get along? Ever wanted to know what people in Finland
think about Belgians? Or what Swedes think about Turks? We never wanted
to either, but that doesn't make this any less funny. Apparently, the
only famous Italian ever was Mussolini. And in Romania they eat "vegetables
We had a reading series and
words were said and it was fun. This was the invite.
to the Weather Channel, it was 63 degrees in New York on Monday, 20
degrees higher than normal. The first warm day before spring is an exciting
moment, the city brightened by the bloom of the occasional windbreaker.
Usually, this brings out the hard-core T-shirt freaks and tourists who
must prove to themselves they're on vacation. This year, it got a bit
warm and, well. Our commute got out of hand.
you ask us, the secret to much of the Republican Party's political
success comes down to one secret ingredient: Ketchup. First, Reagan said
the condiment was a vegetable and used it to justify cuts to the school
lunch program. And now? Well, Bush says that adding the red stuff to a
burger would be a manufacturing job, you know, because it "makes"
the burger. Good thing Sen. John Dingell is out there, keeping an eye
out for this crap.
this is yet *another* new link to a site that we're adding to our
ever growing list of fun things that we found hilarious or otherwise interesting.
And usually, we come up with some kind of jokey justification for why
you might like it too. Well this time, we're not telling you nothing.
You just gots to click blindly without any help from us. It's like a choose
your own adventure, only more differenter.
started with a cough and a simple explanation: "My kids are sick."
The next thing you know, the person three cubicles down is in the hospital
with pneumonia, as this illness works its way towards you, cube by cube,
slinking over the half-partitions. And while there's nothing cute or cuddly
when it's finally your turn to suffer, at least you can give you co-worker's
kids this thank you gift for your week off from work.
G.I. Joe. What little Timmy really wants to play is Operation Enduring
Freedom! And you can let him, with this collection of action figures from
HeroBuilders. All the villains are there! Like Saddam, with battle damage
and without, and Uday, Saddam's nutso kid. And what would a fake war be
without that wacky information minister? And, of course, there are the
heros. But unlike real life, this George W. Bush will actually serve combat
For fishermen, this is a cable knit fashion choice built from a need
for warmth. For poets, the black turtleneck expresses their bleak thoughts
and hides a frail frame. But for this lady? Maybe sweaters provide a sense
of self. Perhaps with every glittering gem, her personality cries out,
"Here I am! Love me for my shiny, sparkling sweater!" Or maybe
this is just more ironic fashion. Either way, click the link for more
and insert a sick feeling here.
Miller is a white male from Colorado looking to start a family and
is brave enough to share his views on the topic with the world. His weaknesses
include allergies and hayfever, but the man has never had a cavity and
is in good condition. Mr. Miller's desires for a family? Pretty straightforward.
Two to six wives baring him between two to fifteen children, with at least
two months of custody per year. Smell the romance. Feel the love.
Bitch Bears are the perfect gift for that special gangsta boo in your
life. Imagine the gigantic smile that will cross her face when you hand
her one of these stuffed toys with an extra special message of love. Yeah,
your gangsta boo is the best. And at $13 a bear, this is so much cheaper
than the nickel-plated 9mm that you can buy a few of them.
Valentine's Day approaching, we thought it would be nice to promote
some accurate depictions of how the battle of the sexes really plays out.
This song's perfect for the whipped guy, the one who needs to ask his
girlfriend if he can go to the Super Bowl party and has to pick up tampons
on the way home.
gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk
away, know when to point out that guy looks *exactly* like Kenny Rogers.
Holy crap! He does! With the beard! You have to see this guy. He looks
just like Kenny Rogers. And if you squint, he kinda looks like Michael
McDonald, who is the Kenny Rogers of soul music.
minimum wage in the United States is $5.15, but many of you knew that
already, since, like, you're being paid that to sit in front of a computer
and look busy all day. One in 11 New Yorkers makes less than $7 an hour,
but the diligent folks at the Working Families Party are trying to change
all that with this electronic petition. In the interest of winning back
some much-needed karma points, we proudly present this link.
For The Preservation of Firearms Ownership. What else can we say?
This site exists. Does it get any better than that? Do we have to say
anything else? You'll learn life lessons like "Veterans are Special
People" and "Firearms Can Be Fun" and "Dialing 9-1-1
Can Be Useless." Sigh. Maybe it's not real. We still don't care.
honor of the latest Jackson family fiasco, we present "Escape
from Neverland," a game that allows you to play as the King of Pop
himself, armed with a net gun to stop those pesky boys from breaching
the perimeter, so to speak. It's a little bit of time killing fun from
a site called "ZooAss.com," so, uh, you know it's got to be
worse than having a third nipple? Having your third nipple pierced.
That's right. Pierced. This site chronicles the folks who not only have
one too many nipples, they also have one too many piercings through that
nipple. The photos collected here aren't exactly safe for work or people
with a weak stomach, so just know what you're getting into before clicking
of Houston, we understand that the lines to use the women's room at
the Super Bowl are going to be hella long. You can forget all that waiting
with the "magic cone," which uses the power of cardboard to
let you piss standing up. Sure, this might not seem like an ideal solution,
but it's better than squatting over a toilet rim while the entire stadium
shakes. With 36 disposable cones for just $12, you'll have enough money
and time left over for more $15 beers.
now look. We're out of college, we all have jobs and sometimes, you
know, well, it's just hard to get everyone together again -- it's nothing
personal. I'm sorry, but it's true. Some of those people fucking suck.
Yeah. I said it. I think Larry's girlfriend's an idiot who cannot stop
talking about herself and I don't care if she comes to the party or not.
We don't have to invite everyone we know anymore. You're so GSF1 right
now. Just fuckin' read this, okay?
got back! Or, put in a more classy way: "Rebecca, ecce! tantae
clunes isti sunt!" Ah, the wonders of Latin, such an expressive language,
which is why this person translated the Sir Mix a Lot classic. Using the
ancient tongue, you can feel the passion this man has for the posterior,
loosely translated: "Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I
able to lie concerning this matter." Amen.
to Rocky's mom, our wrinkled, puckered, flabby asses are every bit
as distinct as our fingerprints and faces. So distinct, in fact, that
it's possible to read your fortunes from your heinie, a science called
"Rumpology" that's being pioneered by Jacqueline Stallone, Sylvester's
mom. It's a terribly obvious joke, but this is literally ass-trology.
Sigh. A sphincter says what now?
only $1,200, you can take home this 1993 Lincoln Mark VII. It has
brand new blue paint and blue leather seats. It has power everything,
a sunroof, working A/C and everything runs perfectly, since it's been
recently serviced. Even the air suspension is perfect. But, um, there's
a catch. This Lincoln Mark VII was used in the movie "Highway Gangbang
-- In Da Butt". According to the ad, it "may require some light
interior cleaning." Just so you know.
hipsters get pregnant. And when they do, we're sure they go to Hot
Topic to buy their chidren clothing that is so ironic and post-modern
they can scar their babies in ways their parents could never have dreamed
of. At last, Mommy's little monster can rep Social Distortion with a onesie
that says, "Mommy's Little Monster" on it. Or you can try on
those Blest Baby black grommet pants on for size. Makes you almost long
for the days of Toughskins and striped Izods.
more to being a drunk asshole than just draining a 24-pack on a Friday
night and getting handsy with the ladies. You need to make the appropriately
wrong comments at the worst time, hang with a crew of dudes who will brawl
at the drop of a hat and be prepared to doff your clothing at the first
opportunity that presents itself. This Website will brilliantly teach
you the ins and outs of drunken assholery, so you can perfect your technique.
a frou-frou dinner party in the next couple months and really want
to impress your guests with unique, inspired culinary feats? Go here.
We highly suggest the Fruit Bat Soup as a starter, followed by Seal Brain
Fritters and a side of Chunky Cat Barf. For dessert? Why, it's Hamster
Cage Leftovers! Mmm, mmm, good! And you thought eating ramen noodles without
the water was gross.
girls in wet clothes show more of their feelings? No, we don't mean
more sexual. These gals are completely clothed, only they're sopping wet.
This purveyor of G-rated images and tapes explores the world of wet women,
covering them in syrup and mud and water. And, once again, they're all
fully clothed. Because they show more of their feelings that way.
place collects all the phone numbers of all the pay phones in the
world, so like, if you want to call the payphone on the observation deck
of the Eiffel Tower and practice your French, the Payphone Project would
love to give you the digits. And ladies, refer those creepy dudes to a
payphone at a Jersey Turnpike rest stop instead of the local Domino's
or police station. They might get the hint.
your special day. You get to wear a white dress and a veil and are
virtually guaranteed to look pretty. But your bridesmaids? Heck. Their
dresses can be made out of Hefty bags and duct tape or crafted from the
finest upholstery fabrics. At this fine site, you can learn from someone
else's fashion mistakes. Or point and laugh at items like "the flat
chest dress" or "the pregnant prom dress."
the halcyon days of yore, when you and your little friends all played
pork-related games? Neither do we. But at least now the tots can go to
a Website to learn all about the other white meat. And read Adam's journal,
which begins in fall and carries us through an exciting year on the ol'
farm. Sure, Adam mentions nothing about the fate of his championship pigs,
but maybe the smart kids will realize bacon doesn't come from heaven.
File it under:
"Hoo, Whoo!" On Friday, The Black Table celebrated our first
year with another major rager. This was the extra-official invitation.
MacKaye in an Onion interview from 1999: "People were just fucking
around with good, creative things, and there are bad and good things going
on. But it's important that you can have a place where bad things can
be done. This world is not just about the good, and any time you're in
a place where only good is being offered, you know that something very
evil is working somewhere else. To get things right, you have to be able
to make mistakes, and you can't be ashamed of that."
toilets are so last year. Pooping into sawdust is all the rage with
the cool kids now and this site shows you everything you need to know
to assemble your own composting toilet. So what if you don't have a compost
heap in your apartment and it smells like Staten Island, high tide and
Chinatown in the summer all at once. Trust us. Sawdust is the new running
Dearest. You absolutely *must* go to the Museum of Coathangers. It's
simply divine, the way they walk you through the history of the hanger,
from the simple beauty of the Standard 1206 to the Paris, which remains
a nubile sensation, seven decades after debuting. Sadly, the dreaded,
horrifyingly awful wd-100a is part of the museum. So, yes, Mommie Dearest.
There are more wire coat hangers.
the CIA starts to really torture Saddam Hussein, we truly hope the
government finds inspiration in Bravo's hit show, "Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy." Sure, he can kill millions of his own people,
but Hussein will become more vulnerable than a skinless grape once Carson
and Kian start hammering on his tan-on-tan wardobe and lack of moisturizer
in his life.
that we're into using IM icons, but still, we're glad to see that
someone in Germany had the presence of mind to make cute little icons
of great black Americans from the 1970s and 1980s. Finally, you can get
a little picture of a post-New Edition, pre-probation Bobby Brown. Honestly,
who couldn't use a little bit more Anita Baker and Morgan Freeman during
their daily instant messaging sessions?
is Homestar Runner? Why, it's your new job, silly! It's
what you're going to do the week before Christmas to pass the time. Enjoy
the mis-adventures of Trogdor the Burninator. Trade emails with Strong
Bad. Sing with Marzipan and Carol. Don't have a clue what we're talking
about? Oh, you'll see. There are hours and hours and hours of movies and
games and things to do here. Have a lovely week.
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