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  THE EVER GROWING COLLECTION OF ASSORTED LINKS AND FUN THINGS THAT WE FOUND HILARIOUS OR OTHERWISE INTERESTING.  
   
   
 

It's "official." Hussey is a popular British pop act! It seems like a rather bold claim, since the Website looks like it was made by a second-grade computer class. Hrm. Okay, well maybe they're popular --after all, they appear to have Elijah Wood in the group singing the tunes the kids like with four slutty looking lasses from the U.K. And if that's not popular, what is? You couldn't pay us enough money to actually give a toss about the "music" but at least the Website is good for a laugh.

Humans are overrated. Sure, we have opposable thumbs, and yes, we sure are good at creating mindless forms of entertainment to distract us from the mind-numbing, ongoing existential crisis called "employment after college." But sadly, humans are also really good at using petrochemicals and poisoning just about every single thing we come across in nature. And that's where the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement comes in.

Avoid the blue squares! We've been playing this dopey game all day long and simply cannot get enough. Right now, our record is 35.042 seconds, but we're working on taking our game to the "next level," which will probably involve a sausage and egg sandwich, a large cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, a fistful of Advil, a lot of water and a vow to never, ever, ever drink like that again.

A.J. Daulerio turned 30 on Mar. 18. Here are 10 things he should know about passing the big three-decade mark.

MTV ain't playing this video and we really don't have time to sit around and wait for this to come on that Fuse channel. These gentlemen are called The Killers -- originally from Las Vegas, but now the best U.K. import since Cadbury's chocolate -- and they're making the kind of music that makes you want to herk and jerk in place, like you're doing "The Carlton" from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Just try to get this song out of your head. Check out the video here.

Ah, eBay. Before the online auctioneer took over the craptacular universe of homemade products, there was no place to sell commemorative dolls for the Super Boob Wardrobe Malfunction Spectacular. It's all here: Janet's silver nipple tschotchke and Justin's glazed over stare. If you think your kids liked seeing this the first time, imagine all the fun they'll have reenacting it over and over and over. Click now and buy, because this one's gonna go fast.

The Poop Machine's a bit gross, we'll admit that. But it's also a fun and exciting way to explore the wonderful world of digestion. After all, how many times have you taken a mystery pill only to give birth to an egg containing a small baby with a unibrow? Three, four times a week? From hamburgers and hot dogs to malted milk balls and bubble gum, the Poop Machine reveals what happens when food stops being polite and starts getting real.

If we were into dating vegetarian French men, Axel would be our guy. He's a spritual, 36-year-old long-haired dude that looks like the lead singer of Quiet Riot. And we dig that. And not only does Axel *not* eat meat, he claims: "i am vegan raw food." That's pretty bold. In addition to liking "sport hiking, smiming and biking" -- Axel's really into "canping" as well. Please, if you're in the market for French vegetarians, take home Axel today!

Can't Europeans just get along? Ever wanted to know what people in Finland think about Belgians? Or what Swedes think about Turks? We never wanted to either, but that doesn't make this any less funny. Apparently, the only famous Italian ever was Mussolini. And in Romania they eat "vegetables and meet."

We had a reading series and words were said and it was fun. This was the invite.

According to the Weather Channel, it was 63 degrees in New York on Monday, 20 degrees higher than normal. The first warm day before spring is an exciting moment, the city brightened by the bloom of the occasional windbreaker. Usually, this brings out the hard-core T-shirt freaks and tourists who must prove to themselves they're on vacation. This year, it got a bit warm and, well. Our commute got out of hand.

If you ask us, the secret to much of the Republican Party's political success comes down to one secret ingredient: Ketchup. First, Reagan said the condiment was a vegetable and used it to justify cuts to the school lunch program. And now? Well, Bush says that adding the red stuff to a burger would be a manufacturing job, you know, because it "makes" the burger. Good thing Sen. John Dingell is out there, keeping an eye out for this crap.

Fine, this is yet *another* new link to a site that we're adding to our ever growing list of fun things that we found hilarious or otherwise interesting. And usually, we come up with some kind of jokey justification for why you might like it too. Well this time, we're not telling you nothing. You just gots to click blindly without any help from us. It's like a choose your own adventure, only more differenter.

It started with a cough and a simple explanation: "My kids are sick." The next thing you know, the person three cubicles down is in the hospital with pneumonia, as this illness works its way towards you, cube by cube, slinking over the half-partitions. And while there's nothing cute or cuddly when it's finally your turn to suffer, at least you can give you co-worker's kids this thank you gift for your week off from work.

Forget G.I. Joe. What little Timmy really wants to play is Operation Enduring Freedom! And you can let him, with this collection of action figures from HeroBuilders. All the villains are there! Like Saddam, with battle damage and without, and Uday, Saddam's nutso kid. And what would a fake war be without that wacky information minister? And, of course, there are the heros. But unlike real life, this George W. Bush will actually serve combat time!

Sweaters. For fishermen, this is a cable knit fashion choice built from a need for warmth. For poets, the black turtleneck expresses their bleak thoughts and hides a frail frame. But for this lady? Maybe sweaters provide a sense of self. Perhaps with every glittering gem, her personality cries out, "Here I am! Love me for my shiny, sparkling sweater!" Or maybe this is just more ironic fashion. Either way, click the link for more and insert a sick feeling here.

Bill Miller is a white male from Colorado looking to start a family and is brave enough to share his views on the topic with the world. His weaknesses include allergies and hayfever, but the man has never had a cavity and is in good condition. Mr. Miller's desires for a family? Pretty straightforward. Two to six wives baring him between two to fifteen children, with at least two months of custody per year. Smell the romance. Feel the love.

Shit Bitch Bears are the perfect gift for that special gangsta boo in your life. Imagine the gigantic smile that will cross her face when you hand her one of these stuffed toys with an extra special message of love. Yeah, your gangsta boo is the best. And at $13 a bear, this is so much cheaper than the nickel-plated 9mm that you can buy a few of them.

With Valentine's Day approaching, we thought it would be nice to promote some accurate depictions of how the battle of the sexes really plays out. This song's perfect for the whipped guy, the one who needs to ask his girlfriend if he can go to the Super Bowl party and has to pick up tampons on the way home.

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to point out that guy looks *exactly* like Kenny Rogers. Holy crap! He does! With the beard! You have to see this guy. He looks just like Kenny Rogers. And if you squint, he kinda looks like Michael McDonald, who is the Kenny Rogers of soul music.

The minimum wage in the United States is $5.15, but many of you knew that already, since, like, you're being paid that to sit in front of a computer and look busy all day. One in 11 New Yorkers makes less than $7 an hour, but the diligent folks at the Working Families Party are trying to change all that with this electronic petition. In the interest of winning back some much-needed karma points, we proudly present this link.

Jews For The Preservation of Firearms Ownership. What else can we say? This site exists. Does it get any better than that? Do we have to say anything else? You'll learn life lessons like "Veterans are Special People" and "Firearms Can Be Fun" and "Dialing 9-1-1 Can Be Useless." Sigh. Maybe it's not real. We still don't care.

In honor of the latest Jackson family fiasco, we present "Escape from Neverland," a game that allows you to play as the King of Pop himself, armed with a net gun to stop those pesky boys from breaching the perimeter, so to speak. It's a little bit of time killing fun from a site called "ZooAss.com," so, uh, you know it's got to be good.

What's worse than having a third nipple? Having your third nipple pierced. That's right. Pierced. This site chronicles the folks who not only have one too many nipples, they also have one too many piercings through that nipple. The photos collected here aren't exactly safe for work or people with a weak stomach, so just know what you're getting into before clicking blindly.

Ladies of Houston, we understand that the lines to use the women's room at the Super Bowl are going to be hella long. You can forget all that waiting with the "magic cone," which uses the power of cardboard to let you piss standing up. Sure, this might not seem like an ideal solution, but it's better than squatting over a toilet rim while the entire stadium shakes. With 36 disposable cones for just $12, you'll have enough money and time left over for more $15 beers.

Okay, now look. We're out of college, we all have jobs and sometimes, you know, well, it's just hard to get everyone together again -- it's nothing personal. I'm sorry, but it's true. Some of those people fucking suck. Yeah. I said it. I think Larry's girlfriend's an idiot who cannot stop talking about herself and I don't care if she comes to the party or not. We don't have to invite everyone we know anymore. You're so GSF1 right now. Just fuckin' read this, okay?

Baby got back! Or, put in a more classy way: "Rebecca, ecce! tantae clunes isti sunt!" Ah, the wonders of Latin, such an expressive language, which is why this person translated the Sir Mix a Lot classic. Using the ancient tongue, you can feel the passion this man has for the posterior, loosely translated: "Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter." Amen.

According to Rocky's mom, our wrinkled, puckered, flabby asses are every bit as distinct as our fingerprints and faces. So distinct, in fact, that it's possible to read your fortunes from your heinie, a science called "Rumpology" that's being pioneered by Jacqueline Stallone, Sylvester's mom. It's a terribly obvious joke, but this is literally ass-trology. Sigh. A sphincter says what now?

For only $1,200, you can take home this 1993 Lincoln Mark VII. It has brand new blue paint and blue leather seats. It has power everything, a sunroof, working A/C and everything runs perfectly, since it's been recently serviced. Even the air suspension is perfect. But, um, there's a catch. This Lincoln Mark VII was used in the movie "Highway Gangbang -- In Da Butt". According to the ad, it "may require some light interior cleaning." Just so you know.

Even hipsters get pregnant. And when they do, we're sure they go to Hot Topic to buy their chidren clothing that is so ironic and post-modern they can scar their babies in ways their parents could never have dreamed of. At last, Mommy's little monster can rep Social Distortion with a onesie that says, "Mommy's Little Monster" on it. Or you can try on those Blest Baby black grommet pants on for size. Makes you almost long for the days of Toughskins and striped Izods.

There's more to being a drunk asshole than just draining a 24-pack on a Friday night and getting handsy with the ladies. You need to make the appropriately wrong comments at the worst time, hang with a crew of dudes who will brawl at the drop of a hat and be prepared to doff your clothing at the first opportunity that presents itself. This Website will brilliantly teach you the ins and outs of drunken assholery, so you can perfect your technique.

Hosting a frou-frou dinner party in the next couple months and really want to impress your guests with unique, inspired culinary feats? Go here. We highly suggest the Fruit Bat Soup as a starter, followed by Seal Brain Fritters and a side of Chunky Cat Barf. For dessert? Why, it's Hamster Cage Leftovers! Mmm, mmm, good! And you thought eating ramen noodles without the water was gross.

Do girls in wet clothes show more of their feelings? No, we don't mean more sexual. These gals are completely clothed, only they're sopping wet. This purveyor of G-rated images and tapes explores the world of wet women, covering them in syrup and mud and water. And, once again, they're all fully clothed. Because they show more of their feelings that way.

This place collects all the phone numbers of all the pay phones in the world, so like, if you want to call the payphone on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower and practice your French, the Payphone Project would love to give you the digits. And ladies, refer those creepy dudes to a payphone at a Jersey Turnpike rest stop instead of the local Domino's or police station. They might get the hint.

It's your special day. You get to wear a white dress and a veil and are virtually guaranteed to look pretty. But your bridesmaids? Heck. Their dresses can be made out of Hefty bags and duct tape or crafted from the finest upholstery fabrics. At this fine site, you can learn from someone else's fashion mistakes. Or point and laugh at items like "the flat chest dress" or "the pregnant prom dress."

Remember the halcyon days of yore, when you and your little friends all played pork-related games? Neither do we. But at least now the tots can go to a Website to learn all about the other white meat. And read Adam's journal, which begins in fall and carries us through an exciting year on the ol' pig farm. Sure, Adam mentions nothing about the fate of his championship pigs, but maybe the smart kids will realize bacon doesn't come from heaven.

File it under: "Hoo, Whoo!" On Friday, The Black Table celebrated our first year with another major rager. This was the extra-official invitation.

Ian MacKaye in an Onion interview from 1999: "People were just fucking around with good, creative things, and there are bad and good things going on. But it's important that you can have a place where bad things can be done. This world is not just about the good, and any time you're in a place where only good is being offered, you know that something very evil is working somewhere else. To get things right, you have to be able to make mistakes, and you can't be ashamed of that."

Flushing toilets are so last year. Pooping into sawdust is all the rage with the cool kids now and this site shows you everything you need to know to assemble your own composting toilet. So what if you don't have a compost heap in your apartment and it smells like Staten Island, high tide and Chinatown in the summer all at once. Trust us. Sawdust is the new running water.

Mommy, Dearest. You absolutely *must* go to the Museum of Coathangers. It's simply divine, the way they walk you through the history of the hanger, from the simple beauty of the Standard 1206 to the Paris, which remains a nubile sensation, seven decades after debuting. Sadly, the dreaded, horrifyingly awful wd-100a is part of the museum. So, yes, Mommie Dearest. There are more wire coat hangers.

When the CIA starts to really torture Saddam Hussein, we truly hope the government finds inspiration in Bravo's hit show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." Sure, he can kill millions of his own people, but Hussein will become more vulnerable than a skinless grape once Carson and Kian start hammering on his tan-on-tan wardobe and lack of moisturizer in his life.

Not that we're into using IM icons, but still, we're glad to see that someone in Germany had the presence of mind to make cute little icons of great black Americans from the 1970s and 1980s. Finally, you can get a little picture of a post-New Edition, pre-probation Bobby Brown. Honestly, who couldn't use a little bit more Anita Baker and Morgan Freeman during their daily instant messaging sessions?

What is Homestar Runner? Why, it's your new job, silly! It's what you're going to do the week before Christmas to pass the time. Enjoy the mis-adventures of Trogdor the Burninator. Trade emails with Strong Bad. Sing with Marzipan and Carol. Don't have a clue what we're talking about? Oh, you'll see. There are hours and hours and hours of movies and games and things to do here. Have a lovely week.