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  WEEK IN CRAIG: ALL ABOUT ME.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I've been writing about craigslist for a long ass time (yo, I'm like, old and shit!), and one of the questions most frequently asked of me (besides "Are those real? My god, they're fabulous!") is whether or not I can empathize with the craigslist nerds that I use and abuse, week after shameless week. People want to know whether I've personally ever used craigslist to buy or sell something, whether I've ever placed a Missed Connection ad, if I've been on a craigslist date, if I have even one ounce of sympathy left in my cold, dead heart (ho hum) … and most importantly, who's the plastic surgeon who blessed me with such a magnificent rack! (God is my plastic surgeon, baby … god. Think about it).

So, because Black Table is taking it's last emphysemic breaths, I've decided to use this space to FINALLY answer some of your questions about the lady behind this column who makes the magic happen (that's me, bitches). To prove that I'm not JUST an ice queen with great tits, a rapier-like wit (touché!) and a genius sense of comedic timing, nerds, feast your eyes upon some craigslist posts with which I can really empathize (aww, isn't that sweet?).

white guy lower east side on drugs thursday night 1/12 - 27

i'm a little over 6'. white. 27 years old. average build. ok lookin. short brown hair. was wearing a sweater and maybe blue dickies. i was with a korean guy. about the same age/size as me.

we were drinking and then decided to take some xanax. we didn't really know what we were doing and later we found out that we had taken 4x the normal dosage. we hit a bar on the lower east side and had a drink. the next thing i know i'm waking up the next day in brooklyn. my friend and i both have almost no idea what happened after that first bar. i don't know where i went. i don't know how i got home. all we have is some funny (and vaguely homoerotic) photos. however, i vaguely remember dancing with a girl. maybe at ludlow bar. was this you? i'm not looking for a romantic connection so much as trying to figure out what the fuck happened that night. any help would be greatly appreciated.

Dudes! This totally happened to me one time! I accidentally drank four Margaritas, swallowed a tab of ecstasy in a men's room stall at Lit, took three gravity bong hits at my friend's apartment, punched my best friend in the stomach and have no freaking idea how I wound up getting home! There were pictures circulating on the internet of me dry-humping some chick at Ludlow Bar the next day…
It turns out I took four times the recommended daily allowance of ecstasy! It's a miracle I made it home at all. This was six days ago … but if anyone has any information about how I got home and where/when I lost my underwear, I would totally appreciate it. Thanks!!

I'm So Broken - w4m

Broken heart
Broken spirit
Broken promises

Broken.

I hear ya, sister. I've got a jaw ache that could kill a horse. Designer drugs plus hourly BJs equal broken heart … broken spirit … broken promises.

Broken.

i need..

I am a college student who really need $1000 ASAP. Maybe there is someone out there who is generous enough to give or even loan me.

A thousand bucks? Shit, honey, I need, like, forty grand. So, you know … if there's anyone out there who is generous enough to give or even loan me…

Let Me Do Your House Chores For Time With Your Smelly Feet -M4W-PIC- - 25

(Females only)

Don't spend your time doing chores or cleaning your home.I'll come over and do it all for you. I am good at organizing clutter. I'm for real,honest,dependable, and ready to commit time to you and your needs.I like to be rewarded for all the time and effort by you letting me worship your smelly dirty feet after a hard day at work or a work out at the gym.I am a very clean, educated guy who is sane and safe to be around with. My name is jerry I am 25 years old living in manhattan. I am a full time student who has alot of time on my hand. I have a sense of humor and love to laugh with a warm personality. I want to meet new open minded females. age doesn't matter. Let's chat on the phone and meet in a public place where we can get to know each other better! Email me with a description of you and what you might want from me.

Ok, so here's one I REALLY understand. In fact, there's nothing I like more than doing some housework and then rubbing my face all up against a nice, hot, smelly foot. I also like it when someone pins me down and farts in my face, pulls my hair and calls me their favorite little retard. Craigslisters, you make it so hard NOT to understand!

Hey, you need to get tested.

I totally forgot your name - one of those drunken moments that seemed, until today, to mean nothing more than two people meeting in a bar and screwing each other's brains out. Anyway, you know who you are. We met in a bar the Saturday before Christmas week (the 19th), and went back to your place and fucked. Today I discovered that I have Syphillis (first stage) and got my shots. I'll be alright. Not sure if I got it from you or not, but YOU NEED TO GET TESTED. I have no other way of notifying you, so I'm hoping CL will work. I can't even remember the name of the bar we met at. All I know is that it was in the Village. Like I said, I was pretty drunk and this was a few weeks ago.

I have no idea what this is about. I don't empathize with this. I have never been so drunk that I couldn't remember what bar I was at the night before, and I certainly did NOT screw anyone's brains out the week of December 19th.

So. Who likes cotton candy?!

have some hipsterish casual fun? - m4w

have some hipsterish casual fun?

young creative young handsome tall guy here - I am a musician, easy going, talkative, open minded into the arts, music, film, parks, bars, museums - chat/meet up some?

email with photo and i will do same - thanks

At last, something I can REALLY identify with on craigslist … having some good ol' fashioned hipsterish casual fun! Oh craigslist, I love you so much, don't ever leave me!

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We Ain't Goin' Out Like That

Hey assholes! Week In Craig ain't going nowhere. For the past couple of years I've gotten some good, sweet love from the Black Table (wrong hole, Daulerio!) … but starting February 17, you can find me doing my thing at AnimalNewYork.com.

You can read about my new "boss," Bucky, in this faaaabulous article in which he tells our esteemed NYC Councilman, Peter Vallone, to fuck himself in the Daily News.

I think this is going to be a good fit. XOXO! Amy

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.