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  WEEK IN CRAIG: HITTING THE GYM.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

Christmas, 1984, I received … The Laredo, a/ka: the greatest bike on earth. She was perfection, in brushed metal tones of silver and burnt sienna. With her basket on the front, streamers on the handlebars, caps in the spokes, banana seat, pegs on the back tire and her trademark horn, I truly loved her. The Laredo and I were … inseparable.

Which, if you know me at all, explains why my best friend, David, wound up with a broken thumb when he received a new silver and blue Huffy for his birthday. You see, he made the mistake of suggesting that his Huffy was better than my Laredo. Which resulted in me challenging David to a race, then driving the poor kid off the road and into a pot hole that ended with him going over the handlebars and straight to the hospital.

The Laredo proved victorious, one way or another.

I'm a competitive lady, always have been. Which is why, for the past few years, I've been totally baffled by the concept of The Gym. What the hell's the point of working out, I ask myself, if there's nothing to win? Who wants to run on the treadmill if you're not racing someone? What's the point of the elliptical machine if there's no trophy, no glory, no kudos at the end?

Looking at craigslist tonight, I finally had an epiphany about the real reason people go to the gym. There are no finish lines, no award ceremonies, no victory high-fives. I finally get it. The prize is, apparently, in the thighs.

I have no idea what took me so long to figure it out.

Hot jock looking to play at UWS gym - 26

Hot white jock, 26, musc ripped body, fat 8-inch cock, 5'11'', 170, looking to switch gyms. Looking for recommendations on gyms on the UWS with hot steam room/showers action. Where and what's the best time to go?

Also, hot guys looking to play are more than welcome to drop me a line... if u wanna meet up, send info and pics

What is this, 1970? And will everyone have sex without condoms while Bette Midler performs? Oh, who am I kidding -- I love old, gay New York. This city needs more ho's in the bathhouse as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, well, at least we've got Brian Ellner.

An Open Letter To All The Girls At NYSC - m4w - 24

Hello and Good Evening.

I wanted to take this opportunity to extend my deepest grattitude to every single female I saw tonight at the Astoria New York Sports Club on Steinway. I'm assuming you were forced to work out upstairs with all of us mongrels because all the cardio machines were moved from downstairs for the duration of the construction they've got happening down there. When I first read the poster about the renovations and the possibility of overcrowding I became peeved. After tonight I hope they encounter a plethora of obstacles to hinder their pace. Maybe one of their workers could get a minor electric shock that will cause them to have to overhaul the entire power grid on that floor. That would take months to fix and give me plenty of time to gain the courage to say hello to one of you.

What is the etiquette on that anyway? I know it's frowned upon to say hello on the subway... Is this the same kind of arrangement or should I just grow a pair and ask for a spot while lifting an embarassingly small amount on the bench? (I honestly think several women that I see at the gym are stronger than me. And I'm not talking about the burly ones either).

That's another thing- what kind of dudes are you gym-types into? Any fans of 6'+ guys that weigh 160ish soaking wet? How about if they have bad haircuts and beards? Oh, and there's a good possibility of there being a lingering farmer's burn from the summertime which is rapidly re-exposing the nearly clear skin beneath it. You into that kinda stuff?

I don't wear a matching track suit (I favor my 10th grade gym getup) or carry a water bottle from an Ivy League school. I don't strap my iPod to my arm (I actually dig some of the obscure videos they play). Chances are I'm doing a really terrible workout program (with even worse posture). Sometimes I get on an exercise bike or treadmill and dick around for a few minutes just to see if I can keep up with the highest settings. I sit in the sauna just to draw sweat patterns on the floor with my toes. Oh and I really don't eat the way I probably should in order to get actual results (Can you say $5 Chinese Lunch special today?).

Anyway, back to you. I really did see quite a few pretty girls tonight. I swear I'm not one of those gawkers (what was up with that jerk hissing at a group of you on the elliptical machines earlier anyway? Prick...) but I just think it's important for you to know that I think you're all doing a fine job. This also goes for everyone in Cobble Hill where I go sometimes after work.

If any of you ever want to get a protein shake or bowl of granola after our workout sometime, let me know. Well, you can eat that stuff. I'll get a burrito.

Wow, a weak, skinny dude with a bad haircut, a scraggly beard, a farmer's tan, bad jokes, and a 10th grade gym outfit? Sounds retarded, right? Never fear, honey. Listen, forget about those NY Sports Club chicks … I know a place where not only will you fit right in, but you'll actually be considered totally hot. Trust me, sweetheart, when you get enough cocaine into a bunch of chicks with low self-esteem, bulimia, and what ostensibly could pass for Halloween costumes … they seriously put out! Awww, yeah.

sweaty hot gym sox J/O - 34

any one into smelling each others hot sweaty gym sox as we jerk each other off ? or tying a hot soc around your cock and balls for me to sniff as I suck your cock till you cum....wanna get a hot blow job too... stick my sox in your nose as you suck my big hard cut cock....looking for now

I am so vomiting.

A FREE GYM FOR YOU (ALITTLE WORK OUT FOR ME) - m4w - 27

Are you sick and tired of spending $800+ for gym fee here in the city? I have a great gym I don't use, plenty of machine to use. All your whenever you want for free, no contract, NSA. All I ask is for you to be a quick safe "work out buddy" in the bedroom everyonce in a while.. 12 Treadmills, 4 stair masters, different weight stations and AC no fighting to use the machine.. I'm tall, good shape, clean, and dd free. this offer is for women only.

No strings attached, except that I have to have sex every once in awhile with some weird dude who posts on craigslist and inexplicably leaves the letter S off the end of plural words? High five!

 

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Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.

 

Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.