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  WEEK IN CRAIG: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I have a confession to make. This isn't easy for me to admit, but I'm, I'm, ahem. I'm a recovering … a … a recovering…

Oh, hell. I'm a recovering picky eater.

I know, it doesn't sound like much. But picky people (and I say this with the hindsight of a former picky person in recovery) are quite possibly the MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE ON EARTH. Take Former-Me, for example. You couldn't take Former-Me anywhere without Former-Me causing a problem. Here's a partial list of things Former-Me refused to eat:

  1. Meat or fish of any sort.
  2. Any cheeses other than American or Mozzarella, and then only if melted.
  3. Any "ethnic" food of any variety, other than Italian.
  4. Eggs.
  5. Milk.
  6. Any salad dressing other than non-creamy Italian.
  7. Beans.
  8. Tofu.
  9. Fresh vegetables, unless they were in a salad.
  10. Citrus fruits.
  11. Mayonnaise.
  12. Olives.
  13. Cream cheese.
  14. Soup.

The list went on and on. In fact, it's a major miracle I survived childhood. Because not only should I have died from malnutrition, I probably deserved to be shot by anyone who had to suffer through the excruciating experience of dining with me.

Former-Me is long gone. But having grown up as one of the most finicky of people (and having changed, damn it, I've changed!), I now find other finicky people to be, well, downright intolerable. So let's freebase some Cesar dressing, shove olives up our noses, and eat beans while we make fun of all the picky assholes on craigslist who have realllly specific ideas about what they want.

Lighten up, you persnickety bastards. You only live once.

Complex Friendship (Blood Type B people a plus) - m4mw - 43

Interests:
Gym
Swim
Tennis
Going to the library with or without laptop
Writing a play (need proofreaders, actors, directors, producers, translators)
Church
Choir member (tenor)
Museums (looking to go to Brooklyn Museum's Egyptian Wing, also looking to see the dinosaur exhibit at the Museum of Natural History)

Helping each other succeed
Self development (we could read a self help book together like Think and Grow Rich, that book requires 3X reading and it's its own workbook)

To stay fit or improve fitness

would like to discuss office skills: being valuable at work, pc skills, etiquette, being promotable

Definitely would like to discuss mutual fund investing for retirement

About me
Taurus born in the year of the tiger

Sexuality: bisexual, non-monogamous (in my 20s and 30s I was monogamous but now human resources are slim pickings and "investing in one stock" is stupid)
BUT, my standards and safety requirements are high, so don't think I'm looking for more than two female affection partners and two male affection partners.

Blood type: B (See the book Eat Right for Your Blood Type.)

Anything else?

Sometimes I like going to the movies.

I like to short distance jogging.

Appearance: my attitude is workplace NYC and non-denominational church, for the most part it doesn't make a difference--just appear to be middle class or higher. If you're into nutrition and exercise, you'll probably appear to be healthy. Yes there are heavy swimmers and racquetball players. Hey, I'm 43, so I understand weighing more than one did at age 25. Not that I'm not working back down the scale. But let's be there for each other sometimes.

One of my best racquetball buddies, just isn't a good exercise buddy for me BECAUSE he's now a dad, and that's understandable. So, people put more people in their lives, or try to.

Wow, it's amazing that you have to look to the internet to make friends when you sound like you'd be such a fucking joy to be around! It's not limiting at ALL to prefer that your friends "appear to be middle class or higher," are into nutrition and therefore "probably appear to be healthy," enjoy your enlightening discussions of pc skills and office etiquette (wow, sounds thrilling), and your truly horrific depiction of yourself as "workplace NYC and non-denominational church." Not to mention your two boyfriends and two girlfriends or the fact that you prefer your friends to be of a certain BLOOD TYPE.

Really, it's hard to believe that there isn't a line of people outside your door at this moment just begging to be your friend. Christ.

Diverse Team of Socialites

I need to build a diverse team. The team will consist of 1 Asian, 1 African American, 1 Hispanic and 1 White Female in the entertainment industry - preferably in the Event Planning or Event Promotion area.

This "International" Team will introduce a unique party concept to the Chicago area. The idea is to bring a truly diverse group of people together to socialize on a large scale. The events will be truly unique - from the venues to the people to the extras offered throughout the evening. A portion of all proceeds made from the events will benefit local charities. We would be partying with a purpose.

The ideal person is
*ethnically diverse as mentioned above
*attractive (naturally so, no enhancements of any kind)
*already working in event planning/promotion
*has media and sponsorship contacts
*local socialite with large following

We would become the "It" Girls of the local party scene.

If you are interested in bringing this concept to life, contact me. I would comprise one part of the team. I am a local event planner with a reputation for planning unique events.

Funny, she says that she will "comprise one part of the team," but she doesn't mention whether she'll play the role of the hot white chick, the hot black chick, the hot Asian chick, or the hot Latino chick. (My money's on the skinny bottle-blond chick with the big titties and the busted grill … you know, that chick who looks really good when the lights are out … but god only knows). And wait a minute, what if my mom is black and my dad is Chinese -- what, I can't be a part of your little club? I can't be a part of the "It" Girls of the local party scene?! That's fucked up, man. I totally love partying for charity!!

$525 - Two Large Rooms in Buddhist Intentional Household

We are a BASE (Buddhist Alliance for Social Engagement) collective household occupying the 1st and 3rd floors of a big old Victorian in the sunny lively Mission district. Every week we have a 30 minute meditation and house dinner. This is our chance to catch up with each other and also discuss meaningful topics. We also sponsor events and mini-retreats in our upstairs living room. We are looking for someone who currently has a Buddhist practice, an interest doing social or political work from a socially-engaged Buddhist perspective, and a desire to participate in an intentional community. We are clean, respectful, fun, diverse, non-smokers, vegetarians and omnivores. Our ages range from late-20's to mid-40's. We are 2 men and 6 women, 5 people of color and 3 european americans, 3 queer-identified and 5 straight. Come and join our happy home!

The 1st available room for $525 is on the 1st floor and is about 17' by 16'. It has high ceilings, two windows and a medium-sized closet with built-in shelves. It is located on the south/west side of the house and gets morning light. There are 3 bathrooms and 4 bedrooms in this flat, so you would be sharing a bathroom with one person. This room is available now.

The 2nd available room for $600 is on the 1st floor, is also about 17' by 16' and has it's own full bathroom with shower. It has high ceilings, two windows, a medium-sized closet with built-in shelves and a small storage area. It is located on the west side of the house and gets morning/afternoon light. This room will be available Aug 15th.

The interiors were renovated last year, so there's fresh paint, carpet, and new appliances. The kitchen is very big and has 2 refrigerators. There is a washer and dryer in the back room and plenty of space to store a bicycle. The back yard is huge with fruit trees and lots of potential. Eventually we're hoping to grow some vegetables and create a meditation garden.

Move-in costs are 1st, last and a $250 deposit, so $1300 for the 1st room and $1450 for the 2nd one. Utilities are low, especially during the summer, around $20. We don't share phone lines, but we do have wireless internet that we share which comes to about $7 per month. Sorry, no pets.

If you are interested, please send an email describing your Buddhist practice, your social and political work, and your experience in living in an intentional community. We look forward to hearing from you!

Now, this is not to knock Buddhists in general, but you people are a bunch of freaks. Let's try to imagine this happy little collective of "European Americans" and "queer-identified" men and women as a BASE for any OTHER religion. What if this was a MASE (Mormon Alliance for Social Engagement)? You would probably tell them to stop marrying twelve women, stop trying to recruit you on the BART, and to get the hell back to Utah. Or, again, what if it was MASE and it stood for Muslim Alliance for Social Engagement? You'd probably think there was a terror cell on your happy little street, and, let's face it: you'd probably call the FEDs.

Anyone who recruits roommates based on their "Buddhist practice… social and political work, and … experience in living in an intentional community" needs to get some perspective.

Hey craigslist … get a life. Try something new. Chill.

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.