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  WEEK IN CRAIG: TOO DRUNK TO FUCK.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I gave up on drunken booty calls long ago. Why, you ask? Because when I get really drunk and knock boots, I … fall out of bed.

No shit. Some people can't get it up. Some people pass out. I simply become easily disoriented and off-balance and violently eject myself from bed onto the floor. Head first. Naked.

It's not pretty.

And thus I reasoned that drunken booty calls were a baaaaad idea. Only friends and loved ones deserve to see me in that state, after all.

That's why drunk people on craigslist looking for late-night booty calls crack me up. Why? Not because they're pathetic (obvious), delusional (a given), or about to pass out within four minutes of posting (no-brainer) … it's because, simply, drunk people are REALLY bad in bed. And yet they'll go to any (pathetic, delusional) measures for drunken booty (a/ka, passing out within four minutes … next to another person).

This week we're delving into the world of Really Bad Ideas That Occur to You While Smashed Out Of Your Gourd And Near A Computer.

Enjoy. And revel in the fact that even though you're a drunken jackass … you're not quite as stupid as these people.

came home drunk - w4mw - 27

just got in
too drunk to sleep.
i want to play with a couple tonight,
i might not do this tommorow night
but i'm doing this now.
any takers?

Good call posting this ad on craigslist, sister. I bet there are TONS of couples awake at 3 a.m., perusing the internet together, just PRAYING to find some trashed chick who wants to come over and vomit all over their living room and pass out on their couch.

"Honey? Wake up … I was just reading craigslist and I got the most AWESOME idea…"

$$$ for $ex - m4w - 29

I am to drunk and too ready to not say no.
I want to drop a load of cash so I can drop a load of cum.

contact me if you are interested. I will send a pick

Wow, I bet the lucky hooker who answers this ad is in for a real treat! It'll only take him 45 minutes to "drop a load of cum," only to realize at the end that his wallet was stolen at the cheesy club he went to earlier that night by the trannie pickpocket he tried to get up on in the bathroom.

Oh well -- at least he'll pass out pretty soon afterward, leaving the prostitute plenty of opportunity to steal his computer and his stereo as payment.

I can just picture him telling his friends about it the next day… "Bro, I had the CRAZIEST night last night…it was AWESOME!"

WOMEN PLEASE READ COOL AD - m4w - 27

OK HERES THE DEAL, I AM WATCHING MY AUNTS APARTMENT ON THE UES.. I AM BORED AND WANT TO TALK. I AM VERY CUTE AND A BIT TIPSY. NOT LOOKING FOR SEX JUST SOMEONE TO PAST THE TIME WITH OR WHAT EVER.U MUST SMOKE CIGARETTES

This really IS a cool ad! You ain't lying!

So you, like, live with your parents in Jersey, but you totally have the keys to your aunt's apartment on the Upper East Side!? That's AWESOME! And it's so cool that you're not looking for sex or anything (you totally understand women!), but just want someone to … "past the time with."

(Best part of this ad? "U MUST SMOKE CIGARETTES").

Drunk and jobless... any girls want to console me? - w4w - 28

So i just lost my 6 figure job today as part of layoffs... im not doing so well. So now Im completely bombed, and want to get some. Come over, lets get our drink on some more... maybe do some other illegal substances, and then go to town. Im usually very conservative and quiet but my life just got 180 degreed on me today and I am just spinning...

email me about yourself and a picture and Ill reply. No pic and i wont even open it. If its too big for craigslist... resize it.
Men, women, couples can all apply... I will return a picture. I am 5'8, tanned, dark hair, part hispanic part italian... decent body... and major f'd up on booze right now.

So you're "not doing so well," "completely bombed," "just spinning," and "major f'd up on booze." Sell it, girl, sell it!

I can't even imagine the person with will-power enough to resist an offer as tempting as this one…

EDIT drunk want to get some - m4w - 20

EDIT i just posted an ad sayin i was dfrunka nd want to get some as w4w but i accidently hit the wrong button while postingm, i'm a guy looking to get some sorry fot the mistake, lemme know what's going on, near davis. any race/size welscome.

Hee. So you accidently posted your so eloquently-titled ad ("drunk want to get some") in the w4w section … and instead of deleting it and re-posting a new one in the m4w section, you decided that it would be more effective to just post this edited version of the original?

That rocks. Oh wait, sorry fot the mistake. It totally doesn't.

Anyway, nighty night, craigslisters. I've been drinking whiskey sours all night and now I'm dfrunka … and my bed is totally calling me to fall out of it.

 

Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.

 

Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.