|WEEK IN CRAIG: DESPERATELY SEEKING STRIPPERS.|
I've been to a strip club a few times, and if there's one thing I've learned from these experiences it's that there's nothing worse than a really hot stripper.
Bear with me for a minute.
In the past when I've been suckered into going to a strip club, the one thing I can totally look forward to seeing is That Which I Cannot Do. My life would probably be totally different had I been born with the ability to hang upside down by one ankle with my legs split apart at precarious angles while twirling around and humping a pole. Unfortunately, that is something I cannot do and therefore I appreciate a good stripper. Much like I can appreciate Alex Rodriguez' ability to hit a baseball. Or Brett Favre's ability to throw a football. Or Josh Holloway's smoking-hot ass. Or whatevs. I give credit where credit is due. I value a good stripper when I see one.
Unfortunately from the male fantasy perspective, the stripper with the cottage cheese ass, busted face, crooked cans and a slight mommy-tummy is inevitably the one with the most stripper skills. If you walk into a strip club and see a perfect blond chick with the most amazing jugs you've ever seen in your life I guarantee when she gets on stage, she'll be the bored-looking broad sort of swaying without rhythm to "Hit Me Baby One More Time," expecting to make her money through flirtatious looks and poorly timed "dirty" gestures.
Listen, next time you're at a strip club, seek out the chick missing a front tooth. The one with the sagging boob job from the late eighties. The one with the prison-issued Playboy bunny tattoo on her lumpy backside. The one with her thong hiked up to three inches above her hip bone. The one with the frosted perm and smeared lipstick. The one missing three of her Lee Press-On Nails.
Take it from me: She'll totally blow your mind.
Hey Suzy, was emaling with you a few weeks ago.
I love what I saw, heard about you, you sexy thing!!
Oh, Mark, you poor misguided soul. "Suzy" is not real. "Suzy" is actually Frank a retired gym teacher from Bay Ridge who discovered craigslist last month, and since hasn't left his computer in three weeks and gets off emailing with European guys in Astoria about how they're going to bang "her" sweet ass 'til the break of dawn.
It was fun while it lasted though, huh?
Our Club's president is celebrating his 50th Birthday on June 9th. We are looking to schedule a surprise Bday party for him probably on the following Friday or saturday (june 10 or 11) but we probably have some flexibility.
We are a club of about 10-14 men who want some sexy entertainment (NOT Sex--most of us are married and can't afford a divorce!) BUT we are NOT looking for a professional stripper or agency. INSTEAD we are looking for some nice looking woman our own age around 40-55 who has always had a fantasy about stripping for a group of men. We do expect you to dance nude and serve us drinks and you will be patted and fondled gently but never roughly . We are all professional men who do not want any trouble.
I am posting here to avoid professionals but certainly we will pay for your transportation to Stamford, CT and you will not go home empty handed. Email me if you are interested--a photo is appreciated.
NO agencies and no professionals please.
Calling all old chicks with low self-esteem! The Loyal Order of the Water Buffalo in Stamford needs you to get naked, serve them drinks and get "patted" (gently) so that they can go home later that night with the courage to finally touch their wives who they haven't slept with in almost 10 years! Open auditions this Wednesday! And don't worry - no rough stuff. These guys are professionals. They don't want any trouble.
READ with UNDERSTANDING (no guarantee but been lucky so far)
================== BELOW IS THE PLACE I LIKE GOING ==========================
----------------- before my driver license got suspended ----------------------
IT'S WORTH A DRIVE (just read)
$20.00 ADMISSION TO STRIPPER & LAP DANCE ROOM
HORNEY COUPLES (man & bbw wife or gf) HIT THESE PLACE SO IF WE GOT LUCKY THEY ARE ALSO THERE DURING THE DAY (EVEN IN THE EARLY A.M.) I know this couple - but DO NOT GUARANTEE if they will be there today! SO DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH
IF YOU EXPECT TO BE GUARANTEED THAT A WOMAN WILL BE AT THESE PLACES WAITING FOR YOU - YOU'LL JUST BE DISAPPOINTED - PLEASE CLICK THE BROWSER BACK AND MOVE ON!
2 Adult Movie Houses, 3 park and ride, 2 rest area (2 of them are frequented by St8 Couples) one of this place the wife gave me a bj while her hubby watched.
I also got invited by man and wife to go home with them but don't want my roommate to cum so I didn't go.
These places are frequented by mostly (closeted) white young guys - Single, Married, Straight, bi and gays. Some are very good looking hunk of a guy; u can stay till it closes 3 a.m. if you want.
Ever watched a woman getting gang bang live in the woods - like filming a porn movie? Don't know if the wood table still there!
Off course the rest area, woods and park & ride is free (lol) - I got bj from a BBW white woman in her late 40's
These Adult Movie places has booths that has holes (Glory Hole) where guys put their cock to be suck by the next booth occupant which are mostly guys so you have to peep and look for who is in the other booth.
DEPENDING ALSO ON HOW YOU LOOK IF THESE GUYS THINK YOU ARE HOT...They'll ask you to join him in the private booth, so it's up to you to accept or not.
OR JUST PUT YOUR BONER IN THE GLORY HOLE & HOPE A GIRL IS IN THE NEXT BOOTH ...lol
ALL I ASK SINCE I WILL BE SHOWING YOU THESE AWESOME VERY DISCREET PLACES IS FOR YOU TO PAY FOR MY ADMISSION ($10 OR $8) and SNACK WILL BE COOL TOO!
Hopefully soon my driver license will be reinstated and I don't have
to do this anymore. (right now I missed these so much it's addicting)
OK. So after reading this through for the 17th time, I think that this guy is looking for another (STRAIGHT!!!!) guy to pick him up in Queens, take him to various strip clubs, peep shows and highway rest stops (what the fuck??) because he lost his driver's license and can't get to these places on his own? AND he wants the guy to pay for his admission to these places in exchange for his generosity in showing him where he can find a glory hole in which to stick his boner?
Wow. Your girlfriend's parents in Florida are TOTALLY going to love you.
P.S. I think I'm allergic to Richard Simon clone, also. Oy.