|WEEK IN CRAIG: LAW & ORDER CRAIGSLIST VICTIMS UNIT.|
When you ask most little kids what they want to be when they grow up they give pretty standard answers. A fireman. A teacher. A baseball player. A ballerina.
Me? I wanted to be a forensic pathologist.
I'm obsessed with true crime always have been. I have 80,000 channels on my digital cable, but do I ever watch anything but Court TV? Hardly. (Not unless there's a good MSNBC Investigates on, or a documentary about serial killers on the History Channel). I DVR Cold Case Files. And I, Detective. And The Investigators. In the days before DVR, I had been known to call my mother with panic in my voice with requests like "I'm not going to make it home in time to watch the JonBenet documentary on Channel 7 tonight and I forgot to record it!! Can you tape it?!?"
I read books written by FBI profilers. I buy Vanity Fair solely for Dominick Dunne's (admittedly cheesy) Bon Vivant crime diary. I theorize about the psychology of high-profile criminals to my friends when I'm drunk (he like sooooooooooooooo just wants to have sex with his mother and that's like totally why he killed that lady!). It's so nerdy, I know, but what can you do. At least I'm not as dorky as this guy, after all
(It's always comforting to justify your own loser tendencies by comparing them to those of a Trekkie makes you feel better every time, people).
Free home made Star Trek pins. Just bought a pin maker and have created my first bach of authentic pins that even a klingon would appreciate LOL.
call me for details
PS- having a pool party this weekend looking for frinds in neighborhod or galaxy to attend..... no strings attached
Anyway, I digress. This week we're solving crimes on craigslist. So, like, stick 'em up, yo.
I had a bag stolen from me yesterday that had all of my money in it besides that I have no one to call to get back to Boston.
So if there is anyone headed up to Boston today that would be willing to help a guy out and give him a ride let me know.
I am non-creepy and will make you laugh if nothing else. Guys I am
all about talking Sox vs. Yanks the whole way there.
So, you're an annoying frat boy who came to New York with some buddies who not-so-secretly think you're the most annoying dude in Delta Lambda Gamma. On the second night here, you got so shit-faced, you wandered out of the bar and passed out on a street corner. Some homeless dude stole your wallet and your cell phone after you puked all over your khakis. Funny, your friends never came back to find you. You can't wait to get back to the frat house so that you can brag to the other dudes about your "adventure" in the city.
Nobody's going to give you a ride back to Boston. Just call your parents already and have them wire you some cash at the local Western Union office. Again.
I missed meeting you. You're a cheap ass thug you stole my plant holder off of my patio in Astoria near Broadway. I will hunt you down. I'm making wanted posters offering a reward as I type this. If I were you, I'd put it back tonight. Otherwise, I will spend the rest of the week walking around the entire Astoria neighborhood looking for it. I'm bored with nothing better to do. If anyone knows where my plant holder is, I will pay you $25 and two 6 packs of beer. Here's a photo of it.
Lady, that is one ugly-ass plant-holder. But that's beside the point. Your crazed vigilante plan to poster your neighborhood and find that plant-holder (if it's the last thing you do!) is not going to get the thing back. You should be grateful that all he got was a stupid plant-holder. Get a cat, or something. Take up knitting. Enroll in an acting class. That's what normal people do when they have nothing else worth living for or just go back to Kmart and get another blue light special plant-holder already.
Someone stole my scooter on April 20 at Jackson and Drumm between
3-5 pm. The scooter is easy to recognize--it says egovehicles.com on the
side and it has a silver body and burgundy fender. It doesn't have pedals.
Ok, I'm sorry that you lost your ride to rehab for your back injury and all, but honestly I think this thief did you a favor. There is nothing more horrifying than some jackass in a Brooks Brothers suit and briefcase, riding around the financial district on a little electric scooter. He may have stolen your egovehicle but he may have given you an opportunity to salvage your dignity. Sell off a few bonds to make up for the loss, and be thankful. Maybe you'll actually get laid now.
this is not about having any sort of morals or values...its about
having some fukking decency for others!!! what drove you to hold my bf
at gunpoint last nite, i ask??? for what? for some cash that wouldnt even
last you the rest of the nite because of your fukked up addiction to crack
or whatever else youre shooting up your ass!!!!!
People shoot crack up their ass? I had no idea. Note to self: try that sometime.
I hope this week's craigslist posts provided a valuable lesson to all
thieves and thugs
man, robbers sure are mean!