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  WEEK IN CRAIG: HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

Man, this hurricane was a real wash-out, huh? (God, I love puns. No really, I do). Just a few days ago the weathermen were predicting that New Orleans would be filled up like a swimming pool with twenty feet of toxic ass water.

But, of course, the ass water did not come.

What, a couple of roofs popped off? Some hicks lost their power (do people on the bayou even have electricity to begin with?? I thought they powered their homes with, like, alligators or something). A little rain, a little wind, a little beach erosion, whoop dee fucking doo. In the end, Ivan turned out to be one big fat pussy of a hurricane. And inevitably, life in NOLA is returning to normal with the slow trek of evacuees coming home to find out if their trailers blew away.

Anyway, craigslist New Orleans can tell the tale better than I can.

Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane.

Hurricane Ivan Says: "Goodbye, French Quarter"

Your French Quarter is GONE.

Even if not a direct hit, you're getting 12 feet of water if they don't blow the levys.

GET OUT NOW.

Um, okeeeee Nostradamus. You must chill. Your Armageddon fantasies are just plain creepy.

Listen, if you want to talk about disaster, forget New Orleans and focus your energy on an actual disaster. Say, the war in Iraq. Or Ken Jennings' 6,000-day stint on Jeopardy. Which, for the record, I'm glad is over -- if it wasn't, I had plans to personally march into the Jeopardy studios and ram his stupid buzzer up his self-righteous nerdy little Mormon ass. God, that dork bugs me. Not just bugs me -- he makes me fucking crazy. He makes me want to ram my fist through a wall. He makes me want to take out a gun and just start shooting shit up. He makes me want to hurt things. Hurt little things. Hurt innocent little things.

Wait, what were we talking about again?

Oh right. Hurricane. Totally.

My Twat Knows

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE IN THE HURRICANE!!!

Sister, my twat knows that you're a fucking freak. Time of need for a soon-to-be ravaged community ... time to check the old cooter for a prediction. Seriously, what is wrong with you?

Uh, moving on.

Ivan screwing things up -- need assistance and guidance

Hi everyone... 26 year old male from San Francisco here... I am a graduate of the University of California and was planning a trip to your fine part of the country this weekend for the Cal vs. Southern Miss football game on Thursday night... followed by lots of drinking and partying in the French Quarter all weekend.

But... the football game has been cancelled cause of that a-hole Ivan... so my friends and I were wondering if it was still worth flying down to N.O. just to hang out and party for the weekend. How is the city going to handle the hurricane? Are you guys going to be hit hard by this storm? Will there be anyone in town to party with?

Since Craigslist SF has been so valuable to be, I thought I would turn to my New Orleans counterparts for some guidance and info.

Please be honest and direct... if the weekend is gonna suck, I want to know.... if there will still be lots of partying and good times, I want to know. I have never been to New Orleans and in the mood to party this weekend. Thanks.

Wow, man, you're truly an idiot. I mean, granted, in hindsight, we all know that Louisiana was not, in fact, washed away. But were the millions of people streaming out of the city in bumper-to-bumper traffic not indication enough for you that the people of New Orleans were not going to be hanging out on Bourbon Street drinking hurricanes during an actual fucking hurricane, brainiac?

While all of the other tourists were scrambling for flights to get OUT of the city, this rocket scientist frat boy asks "are you guys going to be hit hard by this storm?" What kind of answer were you expecting -- "Uh, yeah dude. Totally come down here. We're gonna do jello shots all weekend while our houses blow down. Rock!"

HURRICANE HANGOUT: Bored/ TV Sux :-/

I'm a musician/Computer engineer, 24 yrs, just looking to hang out (or maybe help out), girl or guy, doesn't matter.

My girlfriend fled the city to her parents, while I stayed to watch the house. She took the car so... Probably near me preferably. (Mid-City: Esplanade & Carrolton)

Big shotgun house- don't have to hang out here. But it's 4 feet off the ground, so it's pretty safe in terms of flooding. I went accross the street to the park, drank a beer and watched the clouds form- great weather. I thought about the mysteries of life and I started to wonder how many other New Orleanians were bored and I jumped on Craigslist.

TV sux, so I rented movies.
Drop me a line.

Heh. Your girlfriend left you behind to "watch the house" while she took the car and fled to her parents? Um, dearest … something tells me that your girlfriend, uh, doesn't like you quite as much as you think.

Perhaps that's because you post ads on the internet that say "I thought about the mysteries of life and I started to wonder how many other New Orleanians were bored and I jumped on Craigslist." That's deep, man. Really deep.

HURRICANE SEX! - m4w

While the wind roars, let's moan to the rhythm. Handsome man, 30's looking for sexy woman in need of hurricane relief. Email me before the winds get over 100mph!

Oh, craigslist, it never fails. There's a hurricane, let's have sex! There's a black-out, let's have sex! The Yankees are in the World Series, let's have sex! My dog was just neutered, let's have sex! I lost a contact lens, let's have sex! Ken Jennings won again on Jeopardy, let's have sex!

Come on people, it's getting old. Wait -- Tropical Storm Jeanne is on the way -- Let's totally have sex!

 

Want More?

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.