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  WEEK IN CRAIG: HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING EASTER!  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

Easter is the day on which our Blessed Savior rose from the dead, according to the Word of God. Each year we celebrate The Resurrection of Our LORD and Redeemer Jesus Christ.

Here on Craigslist, Easter has a slightly different meaning. Easter's the day for buying an eight ball and wearing your best friend's ass as a hat. Hallelujah, he is risen!

EASTER BREAK treat for TEACHERS - m4w - 30

Are you a young sexy teacher who has desires that you would never want your students to know about? Easter break is either this week or next week and you are off from school. Let me get you off. Great tongue and great dick here.

Let's make this an awesome Easter Break!

Well, you at least have to give him props for creativity. I mean, personally, it wouldn't have even occurred to me to hit up all of the scores of lonely, depraved teachers out there employed by the New York City Board of Education for some hot Easter slut-time.

Let's make this an awesome Easter Break!

Open letter to my CL "non-date"

Duuuuuude.

You rocked. And are still rocking.

I like you. You make me go like this )(*&@(#*%!!!

Thanks for kissing me. You can do that anytime.

You can also touch my boobies if you want.

But no sex. Until Easter.

Then I tie you to the bed for as long as I deem necessary.

I can't believe you're still emailing me and wanting to talk to me. You rock.

I think you like me, but I won't believe it until you say it.

I really hope you do though, because a guy like you is truly hard to find in this fucked up world. You're spiritual, brilliant, kind, you love your family, you love your dog, and you love eating my pussy. These are all qualities I find highly desirable.

These are things I can't say to you. Maybe later.

Ahh, Easter. The perfect day to tie someone to the bed for as long as you deem necessary. Sweetheart, you make Jesus proud.

Hot Bottom for Easter Week Hookup - 30

Need to get away from straight friends and family discretely this week. Am not too experienced, really. Want to bottom for tall, hard, 20-40 y.o. guy, masculine, mature, and d/d free. Not into pnp or any kink. Bj is good, and maybe anal depending on how i feel about u. (Love to make out) Send your pic and email, and I will respond to all pics honestly.

I have to say, in a sense, I understand where he's coming from. It's rough spending all that Easter time with your family, hunting eggs, eating brunch, going to the Easter parade … OK, so maybe I don't really understand the anal part so much … I mean, it's not like I've ever woken up the morning after a major holiday and realized that I've just had anonymous butt sex with a nameless Canadian hockey player or anything…wait, what were we talking about again?

Oh, yeah. Easter. Right.

Dear Easter Bunny... - 35

Instead of plying me with your usual bounty of brightly colored eggs and savory chocolate I would like to request something special and unique. I would like the to have the pleasure of meeting someone charming, brilliant, handsome, outgoing, fun and sexy. I realize this is a great deal to ask but, we both know I am worth it. Tell them I truly am a beautiful, confident, sexy, bright and engaging woman. Easter bunny, you know how funny I am and how much I appreciate the interdependence of intelligence and wit. These fine gentlemen will need to be sharp as a tack and exude confidence to keep up with me. I am not looking for a white picket fence to hide Easter eggs just someone who wants a new friend to appreciate and have fun with. I would appreciate a fellow adventurer who loves to explore and travel. I love live music, great food, dancing, cooking, camping, scuba, sailing, reading and did I mention music? Bunny man, tell those Manhattan men to contact me with a thoughtful introduction and a photo and just maybe...

God, you people really fucking creep me out sometimes. "Bunny man, tell those Manhattan men to contact me with a thoughtful introduction and a photo???" WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON, LADY?

Gettin Ripped on Easter Sunday - 29

First off... This is not some desparation attempt to get one of you delightful women into bed. I am serious when I say I would like some intelligent, witty, loose conversation over unlimited Mimosas. This is at place on 18th Street. I just do this thing every Easter b/c I am single and all my family is not in NYC. Secondly, there is one thing that is a must. You have to be a serious drinker! In the past I have spent the whole day there just getting messy. When is the last time you just spent the day getting messy? I am 6'1 190lb and work out 5 times a week. Any ladies up for the Mimosa Marathon?

Mimosa marathon and Easter -- perfect together. Although, what's up with "when is the last time you just spent the day getting messy?" Uhh, yesterday? Wrong answer?

What is your favorite Easter Candy? - 26

….and why….I thought this was an appropriate question around this time of year….

Hi! I am an attractive, fun, fit, genuine, and friendly girl who is looking for the same. I am 5'7, and have brown hair/eyes. I enjoy a quiet night and a fun and exciting evening also. I enjoy the outdoors, hiking, water sports, the beach, traveling...it all! Life is too short to be so close minded, so I am usually up for about anything...hope you are too. I am seeking a TALL, INTELLIGENT/PROFESSIONAL, ATTRACTIVE, MATURE, SINGLE WHITE and more importantly NORMAL man who is between the ages of 27-33..did I mention TALL…and I mean taller than me!

I am looking for a man can make me laugh and be able to laugh at himself as well. A great sense of humor and the ability to communicate sincerely and honestly is important. Someone who has similar interests as well as different ones would keep me on my toes. As many people are sick of the 'game' I am too.

Do not reply if you are engaged, married or soon to be either of the two...I am honest and want you to be too.

So if you think we could be a match…send me your picture and tell me about yourself. MUST send pic!

Thanks for reading!

My favorite Easter candy, you ask?

The Jelly Bean Prayer

Red is for the blood He gave,
Green is for the grass He made,
Yellow is for the sun so bright,
Orange is for the edge of night.
Black is for the sins that were made
White is for the grace He gave,
Purple is for the hour of sorrow,
Pink is for the new tomorrow.
Give a bag full of jelly beans,
Colorful and sweet,
Tell them it's a Prayer....
It's a promise..
It's an Easter Treat!

God bless, Craigslist! Happy Motherfuckin' Easter!

 

Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.

 

Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.