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  WEEK IN CRAIG: HAPPY FUNLAND HOTTIE CONSULTANT.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

I have a little fantasy. OK, that sounded unnecessarily dirty. Let me rephrase…I have a daydream. When I'm dozing off on the subway or spacing out at work, my mind often wanders to what I like to think of as Amy's Happy Funland. In Amy's Happy Funland, everything is awesome. First off, I'm totally rich. I have a HUGE apartment. And a house at the beach. And a boat. A jacuzzi. A couple of dogs, and servants to walk them. Oh, and I'm TOTALLY over-sexed, all the time.

But most important, in Amy's Happy Funland, I have the most kick-ass job in the world. I'm a "Hottie Consultant!"

I know what it sounds like … it sounds retarded. But who among us doesn't fantasize about being paid to do the one thing in life you really, truly love -- and are actually good at doing?

You see, at any given moment, I've got a pretty good cache of hot people that nobody else knows about stored up in my feeble little brain. I take a special pleasure in pointing out total hotties on the horizon to my friends and telling them with a knowing smile: "Mark my words -- the media's going to be ALL over that ass in 3 months."

So this week, I'm going to do a little service to the craigslist community, and I'm going to let you all in on one of my Secret Hot People. His name is Emeka Okafor. He is six feet and nine inches of perfectly sculpted man-loveliness. And I want to make his babies.

Now, some of you might complain that Emeka Okafor isn't all that obscure. After all, he is arguably one of the biggest stars of this year's NCAA basketball tournament and a likely top pick in this year's NBA Draft. But you know that only if you are a man, a sports geek or both. The average chick, trust me, knows nothing of Mr. Okafor's perfectly delicious biceps. Or his scrumptiously wonderful six-pack abs. Or that butt. Lordy, lordy that butt.

So, ladies. This Saturday evening, turn on the UConn game before heading out to the bar. If Emeka Okafor doesn't make you want to stay home instead and spend some much-needed time in bed with yourself, then call me a liar and kick me to the curb.

Okafor. YUM.

He's the only thing that makes the stupid "tourney" (vomit) interesting. Oh, that and the idiotic tournament-inspired Missed Connections…

U-C-O-N-N UCONN! UCONN! UCONN!!!!!!!

Nobody's gonna stop my boy's in the Tournament. NoBODY!!!!!!!!!

You doofus. Granted, I'll be prancing around shouting "UCONN, UCONN, UCONN," too, on Saturday night. But that's only because I've got the hots for their 240-pound forward. If you're not thinking about Okafor's penis, you simply have no right to be posting on Missed Connections about UCONN. Seriously.

Someone to help me shop for FINAL 4 sat. for Boyf, and friends - w4mw

Im not doing anything tommorow, and Im looking for someone to help shop for a little house party sat. night for the final 4(college basketball).Im very fun, and energetic, and always laughing. Im native american/french/jamaican, female 19. I have a car, and would pick you up(in queens). Guys I have a boyfriend, but looking for a friend!
If we get along your definately more than welcome to come sat night, food, drinks, and fun . The crowd there all 25 and over,.

hope to hear from you!

OK, so I read this ad, like, 18 times trying to figure it out. Let me get this straight -- you have a boyfriend, right? And you're having a party on Saturday night? But you want some strange man to go shopping with you for a party that this stranger may or may not be invited to attend? Now -- really -- am I missing something here? Why the hell would someone want to go shopping with some stranger, or, for that matter, go to some random girl's apartment to watch basketball with her boyfriend and his friends as a reward for shopping with the semi-retarded 19-year old girlfriend?

Anyone?

watching NCAA's - relaxing, looking to get sucked off

avg masc dude here, kickin back watching some NCAA hoops, real horny and looking to take a break and travel for a great blowjob. cool, discreet guy here, decent shape (little belly), very cute, college type.

need a pic for reply

Sweetie, here's hoping we ALL get sucked off during Saturday night's game. Lord knows you're not the only one who's gonna need it.

Damned Spring Weather! - w4mw - 23

So, great, spring decided to finally roll around. People are getting the "spring fever" and are cleaning and frolicking outside. I'm so happy for them.

Along with the weather change, for me, have come allergies and other mild health concerns so I'm stuck inside during the first nice weekend this year. Booooo.

Usually I'm the one out drinking a little too much and dancing on the stage, but this weekend I'm going to have to relax (whatever that is). If you're feeling slightly dorky and want to stay in and play Scrabble or hang out at Starbucks (I know -- contain your excitement -- please!) I would like the company. I haven't seen a movie since LOTR so maybe we could do that. Or watch some of the basketball tourney as I am a huge sports freak.

Yes, I am on antibiotics and so you won't get sick. If you do, you can beat the shit out of my doctor.

I'd like someone around my age, with similar interests, you know how it goes.
Peace.

Damn, this sounds like my idea for a great fucking weekend -- watching basketball and playing Scrabble with some random sick chick. I bet people are lining up for this opportunity. And that little disclaimer about beating up your doctor if any diseases are contracted -- well, that's reassuring.

Anyway, hope all of your brackets are winners, and your hoop dreams fulfilled. As for Emeka Okafor -- we'll be in Amy's Happy Funland, if you need us.

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.