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  WEEK IN CRAIG: REVENGE OF THE DIRTY NERDS.  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

There's nothing more annoying than a self-righteous nerd.

You know what I'm talking about? Those sanctimonious dickwad poindexters who sucked at dodgeball as kids and now still walk around with a chip on their shoulder, all proud of themselves because, like, they've retained some of the information that they learned in high school chemistry class. Listen up, geeks. Just because you didn't blow four years of college sucking back balloons full of nitrous and reading your textbooks in between mouthfuls of mushrooms, you have no reason to think you're better than those of us who did. Dorks with attitudes need to get. over. it.

Nobody likes a holier-than-thou dweeb.

Of course, a lot of people sure do want to fuck them, for some reason. Especially on craigslist. And nerds want to get laid just as much as everybody else. So this one's going out to all the geeks out there looking to do the nasty, and their admirers. Cause even losers deserve some sweet, sweet lovin.'

??????ARE YOU A BIT NERDY WITH A MIND THAT'S DIRTY?????? - 35

I'm attracted to the bookworm/nerdy type. I'm not talking runny nose and slide rule here, but just the unassuming quiet type. Perhaps you were the nerdy one at school, but deep down you knew you had the goods on everyone because they used to STARE at you in the shower?

E-mail me.

This poster has clearly been watching too many movies aimed at 13-year-old boys. I love how he's all hot and bothered over the idea of all the chicks in the locker room checking out the hot bod on the nerdy chick in P.E. class. Dude, this is a plot for a Porky's movie.
Trust me -- there's not a single geek in America who went through what you describe. Sorry, Charlie.

Tie a note on a ribbon and attach it to a kitten - 30

--and then send the kitten off to me. Smoky gray, a curling tail, and a low purr, please. I'll feed it dinner, nuzzle its head, and question it about you: do you nap? Do you stretch languidly or quickly, does it curls up alongside your back or at your feet? Do you murmur inconsequential details and laugh suddenly for no reason?

And if the kitten's amiable enough, I'll write a note, something halfway scandalous, maybe, and send it back to you.

Sweet young lady (pretty) with fine manners and delightful secrets seeks quirky and smart correspondent. Potential to kiss required. Be nerdy, or be with someone else.

Your image, though I'm sure it's just fine, is not nearly as important as your words.

So, how much do I worship the phrase "Be nerdy, or be with someone else"? I'm sorry, but that just cracks my shit up. Anyway. This chick sounds like she's more of a head-case than a nerd. Tie a note on a ribbon and attach it to a kitten? I mean, that's pretty fucking nerdy. It's also pretty fucking insane. Children who grow up to be Hannibal Lechters tie things to kittens. So calm down, or check yourself into Bellevue, sista.

If you never use these words...

maybe it's my midwestern upbringing, maybe it's the fact that, as a kid, i loved reading reference books even more than stories.

funny, i don't feel like a geek or a nerd...

but i read the personals... all of 'em, and i'm amazed at the vocabulary, the phrasing, and the 'needs' of people.

here's my deal: if you're NOT the sort of woman who uses the following terms, maybe our shared aversions will give us a common foundation for conversation.

- chillin'
- clubbin'
- (OK, any word that ends with "in'")
- dancing (unless you're seriously into ballet)
- cuddling (i'm a very touching, affectionate person. but really... you still have stuffed animals???)
- 420 (puh-leeze! the 70's are over, and that's such a good thing.)

sure. i sound like a curmudgeon. but i'm really just a stuckup, prudish, self-educated smartass with a quirky sense of humour.

if you're still with me, and slender of build (yup, i like 'em skinny...), with extra brownie points for glasses and or red hair, and a non-smoker (of anything), write me!!!

Geeks crack me up. Dude: Will ya listen to yourself? "I'm really just a stuckup, prudish, self-educated smartass with a quirky sense of humour." Holy shit, man, you sound like you must be a 112 pounds soaking wet of pure, unadulterated fun. Kiddo, here's a word of advice … avoid describing yourself as stuckup and prudish if you ever want someone to answer your personal ad. Or if you ever want to get laid again, for that matter.

Looking for that mix of geek girl/cool girl - 27

Any brainy girls out there want to meet up with a law student, 5'10", brown hair/eyes, 140 lbs.?

If you think genre fiction and politics are worthy topics over drinks, loathe the president and don't care if the person you're with has a gym membership, I might be the boy version of you. Your response gets a pic and a link to my blog. If you don't like 'em skinny, I'm not for you.

Heeheeheeheeheeeeeeeeeee! A link to your blog?!? Heeheeheeeheeheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Looking for a genuine asian-american woman - 26

I'm Asian-American, returning student in college, studying Business. I'm easy-going, ambitious, creative, a little nerdy, sophisticated and quite bored of not doing anything on Friday nights. =)

For fun I like visiting museums, exploring the city, and having dinner at ethnic restaurants. Not into the club/bar scene. I like reading books that make you think about life, and enjoy deep conversations about them. I also love oil painting.

About my character - I'm part of the old school. By this, I mean that I believe in good manners, mutual respect, and consideration. I'm the kind of guy that would listen all night if you have things you're dealing with, and be supportive. I'm a total giver if I care about someone, and am very patient. Parents tend to like me.

I'm looking for a sincere and intelligent Asian-American girl to talk/chat/hang out with, maybe more. Please be independent, ambitious, creative, and a non-smoker! I also would like a girl who cares about her appearance - so please send a picture. Other than that, I'm equal opportunity. ;)

Oh boy, oh boy -- I'm sure that all of you "genuine Asian-American" women are tripping over yourselves to get to this one. He's into oil painting, after all. Whoopee!

Anyway, back to the Star Trek marathon for Blairsky. And remember -- if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. And BE NERDY, OR BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE! Got it?

 

Want More?

Hit up The Week in Craig Archive.

 

Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.