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  WEEK IN CRAIG: COME ON AND RIDE IT! WHOO WHOO! RIDE IT!  
  Amy Blair    
   
 

OK, sometimes you craigslisters are seriously a bunch of fucking freaks.

In general, when a whole bunch of posts start springing up about the same damn idiotic topic, I usually make it my business to completely ignore it. But you people just won't shut up about the whole retarded idea of a subway "singles car."

For any lucky bastards out there who have no idea what I'm talking about, for the past few weeks Missed Connections has been inundated with posts about how many hotties ride the F train, and how there should be a designated pick-up car on the subway, because so many people read craigslist, and if they all sit in the last car and wear orange pants, mutter the code word "monkeybutt," and do the hokey-pokey, they'll be able to find each other and fall in love and get married and make beautiful Brooklyn babies together.

If you're lonely and horny, the logic is flawless.

Despite the fact that I'd like nothing more than to pretend that this desperate, corny little idea never sprung to life in the first place, I'm devoting one column to the F-Train-As-Meat-Market phenomenon, and then I'm never speaking of it again.

Fair enough?

SUBWAY CONNECTIONS-- Back or Front of Train?? (Keep it up F Train!)

Looking over these CL Missed Connection ads I started to realize that you F train riders really seem to have it together! Gathering all the hetero singles into one car and gays into another so we all have a chance to try and make a connection.

But I need some clarity... One ad said hetero singles in the last car and another said hetero singles in the first car. Could someone please clarify?

Also, does this generally only apply to commute times? And does one gender seem to be lacking in attendance?

Let's get the word out for ALL NYC trains and really create a subway phenomenon here...Thanks for your quick reply!

You said it -- keep it up F train! I mean, really. This could be a REVOLUTION! If we horde all of the gay people into one car, and all of the dorky straight single people into another car, we could really stand a chance of creating a subway PHENOMENON! This could be the best thing since busses were segregated, and single black people sat in the back! Way to go, craigslisters! Brilliant!

And just to clarify exactly how this is going to go down…

eight simple F train rules

Here are eight golden rules based on the last series of messages about the F train.

1. Last car is for straight people.
2. Second car, counting from the beginning, is for gay people.
3. Since the gay population seems to be greater than the straight one, it seems reasonable that gays take the second car. In case the second car is too crowded, some (just the necessary) can move to the first car.
4. Since we straight people are always a few, it doesn't seem feasible that a second car is going to be needed, so we can stick to the last one at all times.
5. In case someone is riding, e.g., from Queens to Brooklyn in the last car and at Avenue X wants to go back to Queens under the same capacity, she or he must run to the other end of the train to hop on the last car, previously called first car.
6. As recommended by a fellow CL rider, contact shall be initiated by sticking one's tongue out as a child to the other person.
7. In case someone is too self-conscious to do item 6, she or he can do the following: tap her or his head three times with the palm, while pointing the fingers to the other person.
8. You are on you own after you follow the preceding rules, and it is recommended for any success to be shared here at CL's MC, and given a rating of 1 to 10, being 1 a giggle received from the recipient, and 10 a happy relationship, based on the good (or bad) judgment of the rider. Zero will be counted as a no response at all.

Thanks and good luck.

Thank god someone had the good sense to clearly define the rules for picking up fellow craigslist readers on the subway. And how about those effective signals? You're going to look hot waggling your tongue at strangers or hitting yourself in the head while pointing at someone else. I can't imagine the horror a non craigslister would feel entering an entire car of lonely, horny people doing their best impersonation of the mentally ill. And good point about how the gay population is greater than the straight one! I hadn't even thought of that!

F Train BOYS MUST READ - m4m

Maybe I am missing something here. You are all planning to meet in a car on a train so you can check each other out and try to pick each other up. THAT IS CALLED A GAY BAR! Last time I checked there were about 100 in nyc. Guaranteed to meet someone GAY--no signals or buttons or ribbons or hats or t-shirts or secret codes required. AND you get to have a drink. AND people are there to meet YOU so it's really easy to chat it up.

What is going on here? You guys are operating as if we are still in the dark ages. I cannot walk down 8th Ave. between 14th and 23rd without 20 guys stumbling over their tongues checking me out. I always stop and say hi.

Now get out there and stop all this craziness!

Uh oh, sounds like somebody's a cranky pants! Did Mr. Spoil Sport wake up on the wrong side of the KY this morning? Hey -- maybe if you spent less time loading up on booze at gay bars and picking up strangers on the street in Chelsea, you'd see the true genius behind this subway innovation. This is the FUTURE for dating, man! Get with it, or get out!

But be careful -- like all dating scenes, there's always some danger…

RE: F Train BOYS MUST READ - m4m - m4w

No shit. Go elsewhere with this so I can ride the damn train without seven guys stalking me around the fucking station. Check me out from a distance if you want, but don't follow me around mimicking my moves after I've already given you some angry looks and shaken my heasd no. Sorry to sound like an asshole, but if this happens again someone is getting coffee in their face.

Hrm. So let me get this straight. Boys on the F train think you're so hot that when you snub them, they follow you around the station like a pack of angry third-graders, doing what you do. Riiight. Reality check time: You are not the center of the universe! Sigh. There's always a bad apple in the bunch to throw hot coffee in the face of a dating revolution. Some people just can't accept change.

And some people will always be hampered by "logic."

RE: The final word on the F Train - m4w

Your logic is flawed. The front of the train becomes the back of the train for any stop going the other way. For instance, I get on the front of the train when I'm going to work. That's where the entrance of the station puts me. The destination stop leaves me right by the exit I need. Coming home, I use the same exit/entrance, which then puts me at the back of the train.

Going further, exits on the same station can be as far as a block or two away. That means if I really would want to go to the 'right' car, I'd have to walk twice that much to be part of this. Once to get to the other side, and again once I'm out the station, since I went out of my way.

Call me crazy, but I'm not walking 4 blocks extra to experience a different smelly train car in the hopes of anyone attractive being there.

I'd rather go to the Fall Cafe.

ObMC: The girl who was designing a skirt on the F train, got off at Bergen. Extremely cute.

Man, how do you ever expect to keep a relationship going if you won't even get off your lazy ass and walk the 4 blocks to always ride in the back of the train? Look, you won't find love on the F train if you can't suspend your disbelief and if you want to find love, my friend, sometimes you just gotta open your heart to the last car of the train, stick your tongue out, hit yourself in the head a few times, point at people and just let go…

Now, for anyone who doesn't live on the F train, don't feel slighted. Love does not play favorites when it comes to commuting…

N&R out of Bay Ridge - w4m - 28

It's official the first two cars of the N/R it is!!! PS...anyone notice that the freaking R train is ridiculously crowded all of a sudden!!!

Whether you live in Carroll Gardens or Bay Ridge, there's a place on every subway for you to hit on someone with freakish hand signals and bizarre craigslist rituals. And, yes, I've noticed that the freaking R train is ridiculously crowded all of a sudden!!!

subway flirting... thank you for making my day. TWICE! - w4m

twice in as many days, cute guys have actually spoken to me on the train. nice, neighborly, fun, flirty conversations. nothing cheesy or smarmy or wierd, just good old fashioned "hi, member of the sex i like" flirtation. oooooh! i love it.

i think we're on our way to making the subways the flirtiest place in the city.

And that, my dear craigslist friends, is what makes New York the greatest fucking city in the world. We have flirty subways and you don't. Match that Paris! Let's raise a toast to dating in the Big Apple.

Cheers, craigslister!

 

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Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's "best website's summary of another website" award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.