|WEEK IN CRAIG: SICK SHIT ON CASUAL ENCOUNTERS.|
|By Amy Blair||
If you posted on Missed Connections this week, chances are you wrote something about:
Odds are, you didn't write about an actual Missed Connection.
To sum up the arguments, some people are rich and some people are poor, but fat people are always fat. Boston sucks, and so does their baseball team. Scabies are gross, but more common than one would hope. Trimming the pubes is prudent, but to eliminate them entirely is still a matter of taste. Rutgers, contrary to popular belief (among douchebags) is NOT an Ivy League school. Whoever initiates a date should expect to pay for it. A lot of people like their short boyfriends. And, last but not least, male Jews, over 6-foot-tall, are suspiciously uncommon.
Oh, and there were also one or two posts about Asian women.
With that out of the way, I have decided to go slumming this week on Craigslist. I'm sick. I've got a runny nose, chills, chapped lips, the whole nine. What better time than now to say screw it to Missed Connections for a week and head off on my virgin mission into the underbelly of Craigs?
In honor of my cold, this week's column is dedicated to Sick Shit on Casual Encounters.
We are two goodlooking guys that will be at the Gallery motel in Sayreville, NJ this Sunday at 1pm. We will be stroking our cocks and watching porn. We welcome any girls or couples to come join us. You can just watch us and even direct us and if you want, you can join in. It is totally up to you. We are very real and this is a real ad. We have pictures if you want to see what we look like. Serious people only!!!! No single guys!!!!
Before you call me a prude for classifying this as Sick, hear me out. Don't get me wrong -- I'm as game as the next gal to see a couple of "goodlooking" guys stroke their cocks while watching porn. But I'll be damned if I'd do it at the Gallery Motel in Sayreville, N.J. If you have ever been to Sayreville, you know what I'm talking about.
Sickness level: 7.5. Would have been a 3, but the Scary Jersey Factor upped the ante.
actually, no trucker hat. proud to say i never owned one. feel free to bring yours, though. i won't hold it against you.
am free tonight. on a rebound. boingity-boing-boing. be the ill-advised encounter i'd be better off avoiding. sorta smart in a bullshit 5 years in the liberal arts way. once won an informal, drunken, bartendress-incited big dick contest at a polish bar. bad dresser, but make up for it with the one decent pair of shoes i wear every friggin day. hmm. this is getting embarassing.
you need it, i got it.
There are two reasons why this post is Sick. First off, he's willing to do the boingity-boing-boing with a girl in a trucker hat. Second, he said boingity-boing-boing.
Sickness level: 6. Only because I probably know this guy.
Hi there. If you are cpl or F looking for ur room to or apt to be
cleaned by a naked male.! Or u would rather like ur bodies to be cleaned
by a nice shower...or shaving...! Would u like to experience it! then
lets talk! this is not a service or else...it is for people that know
what they want.
It's just really Sick how many exclamation points this guy uses. I keep trying to imagine him at my apartment, naked, with a can of Oven-Off and a dishrag, saying things in a disturbingly overly excited way (The floor is clean! The dishes are spotless! Time for your shower!).
Sickness level: 9. What's more Sick than an overeager naked man-maid?
If I don't get relief soon it may be fatal. It's backing up into my
ears and I'm starting to look like a Vulcan. Earthling, Vulcan, Klingon,
Romulan or even Farengi feamle wanted to help this sbm, 5'10", 195#,
medium build, brown skined humanoid uncloak and fire off some proton torpedoes,
before he implodes.
I've had this argument a million times before. I know, I know, just because someone is obsessed with Star Trek doesn't *necessarily* mean that he or she is a Sicko. But come on, for the love of God, he's looking for a Farengi female to help him fire off some proton torpedoes.
Sickness level: 10. PROTON TORPEDOES.
And on that note, I'm going to take some Tylenol PM and pass out. Just as soon as my man-maid finishes the floors.
Hooray for Proton Torpedoes!!!!
Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.