If you posted on Missed Connections this week, chances are you wrote something about:

• Your salary.
• Fat people.
• Boston.
• Scabies.
• Trimming pubes.
• Ivy League schools.
• Cheap guys.
• Short boyfriends.
• Or, tall Jews.

Odds are, you didn't write about an actual Missed Connection.

To sum up the arguments, some people are rich and some people are poor, but fat people are always fat. Boston sucks, and so does their baseball team. Scabies are gross, but more common than one would hope. Trimming the pubes is prudent, but to eliminate them entirely is still a matter of taste. Rutgers, contrary to popular belief (among douchebags) is NOT an Ivy League school. Whoever initiates a date should expect to pay for it. A lot of people like their short boyfriends. And, last but not least, male Jews, over 6-foot-tall, are suspiciously uncommon.

Oh, and there were also one or two posts about Asian women.

With that out of the way, I have decided to go slumming this week on Craigslist. I'm sick. I've got a runny nose, chills, chapped lips, the whole nine. What better time than now to say screw it to Missed Connections for a week and head off on my virgin mission into the underbelly of Craigs?

In honor of my cold, this week's column is dedicated to Sick Shit on Casual Encounters.

2 goodlooking guys looking for female to watch us jerk off this Sunday - mm4w

We are two goodlooking guys that will be at the Gallery motel in Sayreville, NJ this Sunday at 1pm. We will be stroking our cocks and watching porn. We welcome any girls or couples to come join us. You can just watch us and even direct us and if you want, you can join in. It is totally up to you. We are very real and this is a real ad. We have pictures if you want to see what we look like. Serious people only!!!! No single guys!!!!

Before you call me a prude for classifying this as Sick, hear me out. Don't get me wrong -- I'm as game as the next gal to see a couple of "goodlooking" guys stroke their cocks while watching porn. But I'll be damned if I'd do it at the Gallery Motel in Sayreville, N.J. If you have ever been to Sayreville, you know what I'm talking about.

Sickness level: 7.5. Would have been a 3, but the Scary Jersey Factor upped the ante.

just me, my big dick, and a trucker hat - m4w

actually, no trucker hat. proud to say i never owned one. feel free to bring yours, though. i won't hold it against you.

am free tonight. on a rebound. boingity-boing-boing. be the ill-advised encounter i'd be better off avoiding. sorta smart in a bullshit 5 years in the liberal arts way. once won an informal, drunken, bartendress-incited big dick contest at a polish bar. bad dresser, but make up for it with the one decent pair of shoes i wear every friggin day. hmm. this is getting embarassing.

here:

you need it, i got it.
i need it, you got it.
how's about tonight?

There are two reasons why this post is Sick. First off, he's willing to do the boingity-boing-boing with a girl in a trucker hat. Second, he said boingity-boing-boing.

Sickness level: 6. Only because I probably know this guy.

Cleaning...! Serious Inq only - m4mw

Hi there. If you are cpl or F looking for ur room to or apt to be cleaned by a naked male.! Or u would rather like ur bodies to be cleaned by a nice shower...or shaving...! Would u like to experience it! then lets talk! this is not a service or else...it is for people that know what they want.
Me single 26 clean blk hair brwn eyes.!

It's just really Sick how many exclamation points this guy uses. I keep trying to imagine him at my apartment, naked, with a can of Oven-Off and a dishrag, saying things in a disturbingly overly excited way (The floor is clean! The dishes are spotless! Time for your shower!).

Shiver.

Sickness level: 9. What's more Sick than an overeager naked man-maid?

FEMALE HUMANOID NEEDED FOR PON FARR ASAP - m4w

If I don't get relief soon it may be fatal. It's backing up into my ears and I'm starting to look like a Vulcan. Earthling, Vulcan, Klingon, Romulan or even Farengi feamle wanted to help this sbm, 5'10", 195#, medium build, brown skined humanoid uncloak and fire off some proton torpedoes, before he implodes.
Please hurry, I will gladly rendevous at any designated coordinates in or around the NY metropolitan star system.

I've had this argument a million times before. I know, I know, just because someone is obsessed with Star Trek doesn't *necessarily* mean that he or she is a Sicko. But come on, for the love of God, he's looking for a Farengi female to help him fire off some proton torpedoes.

Sickness level: 10. PROTON TORPEDOES.

And on that note, I'm going to take some Tylenol PM and pass out. Just as soon as my man-maid finishes the floors.

Hooray for Proton Torpedoes!!!!

Want More?


WEEK IN CRAIG: THE SPORKING QUESTION.

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE BABIES HAVE ARRIVED!

WEEK IN CRAIG: MUCH ADO ABOUT PENIS.

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE GREAT MESH CAP DEBATE.

WEEK IN CRAIG: GET OUT THERE, AND GET HUMPIN'.

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE STARBUCKS INCIDENT.

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE QUESTION OF THAT THONG-THI-THONG-THONG, THONG.

*BT*

Amy Blair is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.